TIONS.

"Storm or no storm," said Charles, "as a medical man I can't stick this
fug any longer."

He disappeared behind the heavy anti-Zepp curtains and opened the
window. A piercing draught caught the back of Bill's neck and he sat up.

"Look here," he said crossly, "this is no night for a poor Special to go
out in. Can't I send a medical certificate instead?"

"You cannot," replied Charles. "I will not be a party to such evasions."

"It's pouring with rain and blowing a gale. No Zepp ever hatched would
come over to-night."

"That's not the point, Bill." Kit unexpectedly opened one eye. "How are
Charles and I to sleep soundly in our warm beds unless we know you're
outside, guarding us?"

"That's right," growled Bill. "Hub it in. Your turn to-morrow, anyway."

The other two sang the praises of bed in fervent antistrophe till at
last Bill rose with a groan and assumed his overcoat, badge and
truncheon. He stopped at the door.

"Charles," said he, "if after this night's work I die of bronchial
catarrh, unzepp'd, unhonoured and unsung----"

"Good night, dear old thing," interposed Charles sweetly. "Run away and
play, there's a good child; Uncle's tired."

He disappeared to bed.

An hour later he was awakened by a tremendous knocking at the
front-door. Resolutely turning on to his other side, he tried to ignore
it, but the fusillade continued and swelled. Only when it appeared
likely to do permanent and irreparable damage to the building did he
rush out on to the landing. There he met Kit, half awake, with his
eyelids tightly gummed together.

"That ass Bill," he said peevishly. "Forgotten his latchkey most likely.
Serve him right if we left him there!"

"My good man, one must sleep."

Charles ran downstairs, opened the door and indignantly confronted the
glistening figure on the steps.

"It is my duty to warn you, Sir," said William's voice in an official
but triumphant tone, "that one of your downstairs windows has been left
open. Most dangerous. Also," he added quickly, "that I am authorised to
use my truncheon in self-defence, and that anything you say may be used
as evidence against you."

* * * * *

UNRULY BRITANNIA.

Dear Mr. Punch,--I see that Canon MASTERMAN, in his Presidential Address
to the Members of the Teachers' Guild of Great Britain and Ireland,
delivered yesterday week, observed that the German teacher had been the
servant of the State; his function h