Zeppelins for the
New Year?"

_Householder._ "Well, I'm thinking of it, as I remember reading in the
last raid how they dropped seventeen bombs in one area. I wonder they
don't get hit, standing still all that time in the air."]

* * * * *

THE SORROWFUL SNIPER.

I'm un'appy, so I am. Don't enjoy me beef nor jam,
An' I'm grumpy an' as 'umpy as a camel.
Bin an' stopped my leave? Oh no! _That_ was fixed up long ago;
But the trouble is, I've got it, an' I feel afeared to go,
An' it's all alonger tin o' green enamel.

Fancy spendin' New Year's Eve, when you oughter be on leave,
In a dugout where the damp is slowly tricklin',
All alonger tin o' green an' a sniper lank an' lean
'Oo was swearin' an' a-strafin' an' a-snipin' in between,
Till the Sergeant told me off to stop 'is ticklin'.

So I trimmed meself with straw, an' a grass an' hay coffyure,
An' I clothed meself with faggots that a pal 'ad;
Then the Sergeant got a brush an' some green an' sticky slush,
An' 'e plastered me all over till I couldn't raise a blush,
And I looked jest like a vegetable salad.

Then I crept out in the night, an' I waited for the light,
But the sniper saw me fust an' scored an inner.
I could 'ear the twigs divide, but I signalled 'im a "wide,"
Then I squinted down me barrel, an' I let me finger glide,
An' I pipped 'im where 'e uster put 'is dinner.

Yus, I busted up the Bosch, but I found out, at the wash,
That enamel was a fast an' lastin' colour,
An' the soap I used to clean made me shine a brighter green;
I'm a cabbage, I'm a lettuce, I'm a walkin' kidney bean,
An' I ain't a-leavin' Flanders till it's duller.

* * * * *

GOOD NEWS FOR TAXPAYERS.

"Income-tax can be paid in the case of individuals and firms who
are liable to direct assessment in respect of trade, profession,
or husbandry, in two halfpenny instalments--the first on January
1, and the second on July 1."--_Glasgow Evening Times._

Lucky Scots, to get off with twa bawbees!

* * * * *

From an advertisement;--

"----'s Mustard Digests the Dish."

And so saves washing-up.

* * * * *

"Strive to acquire now ideas. Vary the hour of rising. If you
take luncheon out never go always to the same place."--_Daily
Mail._

We seldom go always