hat we have achieved devoutly thankful,
But disinclined our prowess to extol;
And, when our foemen bang the drum and bump it,
In silence be our disapproval shown;
'Tis nobler far to blow another's trumpet
Than to perform fantasias on your own."

I am, dear Mr. Punch,

Yours earnestly,

CHADLEY BANDMAN.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Doctor_ (_to would-be recruit, whipper-in to the
Blankshires_). "Sorry I can't pass you, my man. You've got an enlarged
heart."

_Recruit._ "Squire always says as you couldn't have too big an 'eart to
ride over a country on war-time 'osses."]

* * * * *

OUR EXPERTS.

"There are still three gaps in the trunk line through Asia Minor
to Baghdad, but these will be filled in during the course of
next year, and unless we can reach the city before the Germans,
they will certainly reach it before us."

_Truth_.

* * * * *

"One of Mr. Copeland's ancestors, Sir John Copeland, who
captured David, King of Scotland, with 40,000 troops at the
battle of Neville's Cross, after lodging the latter in Carlisle
Castle, proceeded to France, to report the event to the King,
who knighted him at Calais and conferred on him the Barony of
Kendal."--_Carlisle Journal._

In these days he would have been fined for overcrowding.

* * * * *

JOURNALISTIC ENTERPRISE.

Once upon a time a rash man, wishing who knows for what?--possibly a
peerage, possibly to be relieved of superfluous cash and so no longer
have to pay super-tax, possibly for the mere joy of pulling
wires--decided to start a newspaper.

After much consultation the plans were complete in every particular save
one. The premises were taken, the staff appointed, the paper, ink and so
forth contracted for, the office girls and lift girls were engaged, the
usual gifted and briefless barrister was installed as editor, and the
necessary Cabinet Minister willing to reveal secrets was obtained.
Everything, in short, that a successful newspaper at the present time
could possibly require was ready, when it was suddenly remembered that
no provision had been made for a daily supply of pictures. A popular
paper without pictures being such a crazy anomaly, a pictorial editor
was instantly advertised for.

"Well," said the editor to the applicant for the post, "give me