by a favourite
animal; while any maritime scene would be certainly related to a recent
submarine outrage, the Almighty in His infinite wisdom and prevision
having made all expanses of ocean look alike."

"You are certainly," said the editor, "a very original and enterprising
young man and I have great pleasure in engaging you to enrich our
sheet."

But when the paper came out the picture page was found to differ in no
single respect from the other picture pages in the other dailies.

* * * * *

LITERARY REPRISALS.

Nearly three years ago Mr. E. C. BENTLEY wrote an excellent detective
story called _Trent's Last Case_. We now see amongst the latest literary
announcements, _Bentley's Conscience_, by PAUL TRENT.

This retaliation prepares us for a whole series of recriminatory works
of fiction. Among those shortly to be expected are the following:--

_The Delusions of Doyle_, by ANTHONY HOPE, and _Hope's Hallucinations_,
by CONAN DOYLE.

_Hewlett's Downfall_, by G. K. CHESTERTON, and _Chesterton's
Catastrophe_, by MAURICE HEWLETT.

_The Curse of Cain_, by MARIE CORELLI, and _Marie the Malevolent_, by
HALL CAINE.

_Dexter Street_, by COMPTON MACKENZIE, and _The Meanderings of
MacKenzie_, by G. S. STREET.

* * * * *

AN OLD-FASHIONED PLAYGOER VISITS A MODERN REVUE.

[Illustration: "Aha! Best seat in the house. Third row of stalls--next
to gangway. I'm going to enjoy myself."

Act I. Scene I.

Scene II.

Scene III.

Act II. Scene I.

"I say--do you think you could change my stall for a quiet chair on the
stage?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _First Clubwoman._ "I noticed you talking to that old
bore. Did she get on to her ailments?"

_Second Clubwoman._ "Yes. You might almost call it an organ recital."]

* * * * *

A TALE OF HEADS.

After nine o'clock parade on that memorable morning the Sergeant-Major
spoke to this effect: Though he, the Sergeant-Major, was new to the
unit, he could and would make it plain that It Would Not Do. Had he
taken up his duties in a dashed glee club or in a blanked choral
society, he wanted to know? Though he had tried hard not to, he had been
forced to admit that It was d----d disgraceful. He had never, he
reflected aloud, seen anything like it during an active army existence
that had provided many shocking sights. And he opined that there woul