flattering
proposals. Mr. ZANGWILL, however, is not to be rushed, and it is extremely
unlikely that we shall have him turning out Melting Pot-Boilers.

* * *

The punishment does sometimes fit the crime. An individual who for some
months past specialised in thefts of clocks was last week given time.

* * *

"A Blackburn platelayer," it is stated, "who has just died at the age of
seventy, left L400, which he had accumulated out of his small earnings. He
was a bachelor." Married women consider this a marvellous achievement in
view of the fact that the man had no wife to help him.

* * *

At last it looks as if something is going to be done for golfers, whose
language, it is rumoured, occasionally leaves so much to be desired. The
Rector of Frinton has undertaken to consider a suggestion that a special
service for golfers shall be held at nine o'clock on Sunday mornings.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE OPENING OF THE SEASON.

"NAH THEN, 'ERBERT, WE'RE IN 'YDE PARK. PULL UP YER SOCKS AN' LOOK SMART."]

* * * * *

Another "Daily Mail" Record.

"'How beautiful,' said the Queen as she passed me."

We congratulate _The Daily Mail's_ Special Paris Correspondent (author of
the above passage), on the tribute paid to him by Her Majesty.

* * * * *

The Rivals.

Two posters in Torquay:--

"FLYING AT PAIGNTON BY MONSIEUR SALMET."

"FLYING VISIT OF MR. H. B. IRVING."

* * * * *

"Fashion Gossip" in _The Cambridge Chronicle_:--

"Black rats, however, are most in favour and bid fair to retain their
popularity."

It is no longer fashionable to see snakes.

* * * * *

"For supply of a body suitable for motor ambulance for
Ipswich."--_Contract Journal._

Ipswich seems in a hurry. Surely it might wait for the accident to happen
naturally.

* * * * *

GENERAL VILLA BREAKS INTO POETRY.

[The following unpublished poem of General VILLA--not, of course, to
be compared with the recently discovered compositions of KEATS--throws
an interesting light on the attitude of that incomparable brigand
towards the academic diplomatist of the White House. This
correspondence, rendered into English, is now made public without
prejudice to any change of policy that