us,
Our garden-grown asparagus!

Let others in their praise advance
The monstrous branches sent from France;
You ope your mouth as 'twere a door,
And bite off half an inch, not more;
And then perforce you lay aside
A tasteless foot of wasted pride.

Besides, you find that what you praise,
Is mostly sauce--a Hollandaise.
The succulent, the English kind,
You pick it up and eat it blind;
In fact, you lose your self-control,
And dip, and lift, and eat it whole.

And some day, when the beds have ceased
To cater for your daily feast,
You'll see--the after growth is fair--
A green and feathery forest there,
And "here," you'll say, "is what shall cheer
My palate in the coming year.

"Yea, when these graceful pigmy trees
Have swayed their last in any breeze,
And all is bare, I may again
See the ripe heads that pierce the plain,
And eat once more before I die
Our garden-grown asparagi."

R. C. L.

* * * * *

Massage in the 18th Century.

"_Anatomy._ Albinus (Bernard Siegfried). Tables of the Skeleton and
Muscles of the Human Body, translated from the Latin. Folio, half calf
(joints cracked, back rubbed). _Edinburgh 1777-78._"

* * * * *

A Special Correspondent of _The Evening News_ wrote last week:--

"As for the Queen, from the moment she stepped off the yacht till she
got into the train she went on smiling and bowing and murmuring
'Merci, oh merci bien?' I do not, of course, know what she was
thinking."

Possibly it had something to do with gratitude.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A LIGHTNING ROYALTY ACADEMICIAN.

(_All done while you wait._)

(Mr. DENNIS EADIE.)]

* * * * *

MY LORD'S DINNER.

[A companion picture to Mr. EDWARD KNOBLAUCH'S play, _My Lady's
Dress_.]

PROLOGUE.

William _and_ Mary _have returned from the Royalty Theatre, where they
have attended a play in several scenes each representing some incident
in the making of a lady's dress._

_William_ (_for the ninth time_). Capital dinner we had to-night, dear.
Don't know when I've had a better.

_Mary._ Oh, bother your old dinner. What did you think of the play?

_William._ H'm, not bad. Don't know that I care about those dream plays.
(_After deep thought_) Capital caviare, that.

_Mary_ (_an