mperature. For the adoring
thermometer the supreme moment had arrived. In rapturous ecstasy at
the touch of her dear lips he rose to heights of exaltation that left
his other efforts far behind. "Drat the thing," exclaimed the pretty
nurse, putting him down nastily, "I've got it myself now," and went
off to bed. He, broken-hearted, rolled off the table and died.

* * * * *

LONG MEMORIES.

"I remember," said a veteran of nineteen, "when there was a hansom at
the stand at the corner."

"Oh, that's nothing," said a venerable spinster of twenty-one. "I've
been, to dances with a female chaperon where there was no smoking on
the stairs, and some people danced a thing they called a 'tango.'"

"When I was working on the land," resumed the first speaker, "I had a
day off and went to lunch with people close by. The man who sat next
me was a judge and asked me what an 'old bean' meant."

"Oh, cut it out!" interposed an aged matron who had not hitherto taken
any part in the conversation. "When I was born there was no _Daily
Mail,_ when I went to school I was taught to play the piano with my
fingers, and when I married people hadn't begun to 'jazz.'"

* * * * *

A NEW GAME OF BAWL.

"An open howling handicap will be held at Talleres, F.C.S., next
Sunday."

_Standard (Buenos Ayres)_.

* * * * *

"At a meeting of the newly-formed British and Allied Waiters',
Chefs' and Employees' Union the president said that one of
their main objects was to stop enemy aliens from spoiling their
business. They must do this themselves."--_Daily Paper_.

And some of them, it must be admitted, have been making considerable
efforts in this direction.

* * * * *

EDENTULOUS PERSONS.

It happened a long time ago. Higgins, Mackenzie and I, three
irresponsible subalterns, had been lent to the Government of India
for famine relief work. One Sunday we foregathered in the cool of the
evening at a dak bungalow, near the point where our three districts
met, to compare notes and to swap lies.

"How are you getting on?" I asked Higgins.

"I'm not getting on at all. I'm just stagnating. I do all my work and
draw my pay, and there's the end of it. I'm sure the regiment has
forgotten all about me, and in fact no one seems to be aware of my
existence."

"Why not write to the Government of India