dismissal of Mr. John
Smith, the managing director of one of the large shipbuilding yards,
who rudely refused to fetch a pint of beer for one of the rivetters.
The Government department dealing with strike questions is full up for
three months yet, but hopes are entertained that, unless a critical
by-election should intervene, it will be possible to deal with the
matter at the expiration of that period.

.... Much interest was aroused last evening by the production of a new
musical show, both the book and music of which have been written by
natives of this country. A strong protest has been lodged by the
United States Embassy.

.... A passenger on one of the Tube railways alleges that he entered a
train at Oxford Circus Station last evening. No confirmation is as yet
forthcoming, and the rumour must be treated with reserve.

.... The Peace Conference held a sitting yesterday and definitely
decided that the ex-Kaiser should be tried one of these days. It is
confidently stated in the inner circles of Paris that peace will
inevitably be concluded within the next ten or twelve years.

.... Dancing still holds its own as the principal amusement of the
bulk of the population. The latest dance, the Guzz-Jinx, which is
danced on the hands with the right foot placed in the mouth of one's
partner, is stated to be very graceful indeed. The correct music is
provided by a band performing entirely on hair-combs and tea-trays.

.... A reduction is promised in the price of tobacco shortly. An ounce
recently changed hands at a well-known Piccadilly shop at two hundred
and seven pounds, but the new season's prices are not expected to be
much above one hundred and fifty pounds.

A man was charged at Bow Street yesterday with endeavouring to ride
in a motor-bus on Tuesday, the 12th of the month, when his permit was
only for Thursday, the 15th of each month. He was severely cautioned
and ordered to get a new calendar.

* * * * *

[Illustration: BEFORE THE COMBAT.

_Excited Duellist._ "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

_Nervous Opponent._ "I'M PUTTING MAGIC DROPS ON MY SWORD, WHICH WILL
MAKE IT IRRESISTIBLE."

_Excited Duellist._ "BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR TO ME."

_Nervous Opponent (relieved)._ "ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN HAVE SOME AND WE'LL
CALL IT A DRAW."]

* * * * *

A VALENTINE.

Dear Lydia, long before your time,
When I was half the 'teen you own to,
Don Valentine was