ched off in front of the sheds.

"'By Jove, Bill,' said his friend, rushing up excitedly, 'that was the
best show--'

"'Not so much of it,' interposed the 'hero,' scrambling out of his
seat. 'What about my tea? Did you look after my toast for me? No,
might have known you wouldn't.'"

* * * * *

WHAT OUR POETS HAVE TO PUT UP WITH.

"They who faced the terrors of the deep, Who guarded our
snores-while we were asleep."

_Scottish Paper_.

* * * * *

"Though his career was entirely that of a public servant, he had
personality and that self-evident efficiency which mark a man out
for promotion."--_Times_.

That "though" is rather cynical.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "I SAY, TAXI, I'VE ONLY GOT ENOUGH CHANGE TO PAY THE
EXACT FARE. D'YOU MIND TAKING A CHEQUE FOR THE TIP?"]

* * * * *

RECIPROCITY.

[Discussing the unruliness of modern children, a correspondent
in the Press suggests that parents might exchange offspring for
educational purposes.]

Hector, one thought alone forbade
Your stout progenitor to squirm
Through all the months the Huns essayed
To pink his epiderm--
The thought that you, through what he'd done,
Might find a better world, my son.

Now must you do your bit for me,
For, guided by the sage's lore,
I mean to barter progeny
With Brown, the man next door,
And educate in place of you
Bertram, his brazen-lunged Yahoo.

Too long, too long have I been banned
From giving what he's been denied,
The checkings of a chiding hand,
Impartially applied,
But now he's going to get it, Hec
(Though not exactly in the neck).

Exile from your ancestral hut
At first may fill your soul with pain;
If so, this filial thought should cut
Your tears off at the main:
The hours he spends across my knee
Will mean a better world for me.

* * * * *

IT HAPPENED IN IRELAND.

"Mr. ---- held that purchased meat would be better than that
supplied by contractors, who were not saints. He knew of one
case where cattle were actually killed after they died."--_Irish
Times_.

"The following has been issued by the Sinn Fein Executive:--

"At the weekly meeting of the Executive it was unanimously
decided to appeal to the subscribers to th