ndidate became a regular Boarder.

Kenneth would sit right up close to old Cash-in-Hand, who would egg
him on to tell Dialect Stories and, after that, show how to make a
Salad.

The Stories were some that Marshall Wilder stopped using in 1882 and
since then have been outlawed on the Kerosene Circuit.

After Bernice had heard these Almanac Wheezes 26 or 28 times, she
would sit still and look at the Center-Piece while Lover was
performing.

The Gags didn't sound as killing as they had at first, and sometimes
she wished the Dear Boy would chop on them.

No chance. Father had him kidded into believing that all the old
ham-fat Riddles were simply Immense.

As for that Salad Specialty, the poor Gink who calls loudly for
English Mustard and thinks he is a Genius because he can rub a Bowl
with a sprig of Garlic, may have his brief Hour of Triumph, but no man
ever really got anywhere by doping Salad, when you stop to add it all
up.

Father would put the two young people together in the back of the
Touring Car and ride them around for Hours at a time.

Anybody who has cut in on one of those animated Automobile
Conversations, while the salaried Maniac from France is hitting up 42
miles an Hour, will tell you that the hind end of a Motor Vehicle is
no good Trysting Place for an Engaged Couple.

Bernice would get home after one of these wild swoops into the realm
of the Death Angel, and totter to her room and lie down, and murmur:
"I wonder what ailed Kenneth to-day. He seemed Preoccupied."

That Same Evening, just when she needed Smelling Salts and Absolute
Quiet, her enthusiastic Father would have Fiance up to Dinner to pull
the same stale Repertoire and splash around in the Oil and Vinegar.

If any Guests were present, then Father would play Introducer and tell
them beforehand how good Kenneth was.

When given his Cue, the Lad would swell up and spring a hot One about
the Swede and the Irishman, while Bernice would fuss with the Salt and
wonder dimly if the Future had aught in store for her except Dialect
Stuff.

Father had read on a Blotter somewhere that Absence makes the Heart
grow fonder, so he played his System with the Reverse English.

He arranged a nice long trip by Land and Water and took the male
Sweetheart along, so that the Doting Pair could be together at
Breakfast.

His cunning had now become diabolical. He was getting ready to apply
the Supreme Test.

Every Morning, when Bernice looked over he