he had been drawn into so many Campaigns for Social
Betterment that he had no time to hunt up conventional Temptations,
such as the Welsh Rabbit or the Musical Comedy.

He found himself sitting next a new type of Lassie. She had no Heels
on her Shoes, pronounced each Syllable distinctly, and believed that
her Mission in Life was to carry Maeterlinck to the Masses.

In nearly every Instance she had a Father who acted as frozen
Figurehead for some Trust Company.

Consequently, Elmer began to perk up and serve on Committees which met
in Exclusive Homes and were entirely surrounded by Mahogany.

Whenever an Intellectual Queen pushed the Button, Elmer was right
there with a Pitcher of Ice Water.

His Researches had proved to him that one of the Keenest Enjoyments of
City Life is to remain away from the glaring Lobster Palace,
especially when one can get one's Mallard Duck free of charge in a
Flat renting for $6000 a Year.

Elmer became identified with the Cleaning Brigade of the Reform
Element simply by riding on the Current of Events.

Adapting himself unconsciously to his antisepticized Environment, he
acquired the Art of putting over the saccharine Extemporaneous
Address, and he could smile, with his Teeth exposed, for an Hour at a
time.

In fact, he was a great Success.

At first he took in the Symphony Orchestra because he was dragged
thither. After about two years the Virus had permeated his System, and
he was a regular Brahmsite. If he didn't get a full dose of Peer Gynt
every few days, he was as nervous as a Cat.

The tall and straight-grained Heiress who finally landed him was only
too glad to slip him the Bank-Book and tell him to go and sit in with
the other Directors.

And now, having become a shiny Pillar in the Presbyterian Temple and
one of the most respected Umbrella-Carriers on the Avenue, he felt a
longing to beat it back to the home Burg and exhibit his Virtues to
the members of the I-Knew-Him-When Club.

He wanted to patronize the Friends of his Youth and note the
Expressions of Discomfiture on the so-called Faces of Aunt Lib and
Uncle Jethro, both of whom had told around that he was a Gnat (Net)
and never would amount to a Hill of Beans.

Elmer expected to find the same spotted Dog asleep in front of the
Commercial Hotel and the same Stick Candy exhibited in the Show
Windows.

But, while he had been witnessing the downfall of Evil in the busy
Metropolis, the Home Town had been putting