e Platform. As he
alighted, they sang, "Hail! Hail! the gang's All Here!" and so on and
so on.

They had acquired a Running Start. It was their belief that Elmer
would be gratified to know that all the Elect had become slightly
spiffed in his Honor.

They sent his Stuff up to the House, crowded Two-Weeks' Cards into his
Pockets, and bore him away in a Town Car to the Club, where Relays
were waiting to extend Hospitality to the returned Exile until he was
Plastered.

They seemed to think he had devoted the years of his Absence to
building up a Thirst.

Their Dismay was genuine when he timidly informed the Irrigation
Committee that he desired Vichy.

They told him he was a Celluloid Sport and that his refusal to Libate
was little short of an Affront.

Escaping from the Comanches, he hurried to the Old Homestead to sit by
the Grate Fire and tease the Cat.

He found Pa and Ma dolled up like a couple of aristocratic Equines,
much Awning over the Front Stoop, and strange Waiters hot-footing
through the Hallways.

In order to make it seem as much like the City as possible, they had
ribbed up a swell combination Gorge and Deluge, to be followed by an
Indoor Circus, a Carnival of Terpsichorean Eccentricities, and a
correct Reproduction of Monte Carlo at the height of the Season.

Therefore, when their Only Child suggested that he would fain hie to
the Husks at a Reasonable Hour, they told him that Slumber was made
for Slaves and to take his Feet out of his Lap and move around.

Having led a sheltered Life among the devotees of Jane Addams and
Jacob Riis, he was dazed and horrified to find himself suddenly
subjected to the demoralizing Influences of the Small Town.

[Illustration: He was dazed and horrified to find himself suddenly
subjected to the demoralizing Influences of the Small Town]

They scoffed at him when he said that his regular twilight Repast was
a saucer of granose Flakes, a mere sliver of White Meat, and some
diluted Milk.

His home was near the White Light District, and they just knew that he
was accustomed to bathe in the Bubbles.

He sat back benumbed for many hours watching the wicked Rustics
perform.

He had read about such things in the reports of the Commission, but
this was the first time that he had ever really been Slumming.

When he weakened on the Bumper Proposition and disavowed any
familiarity with the Texas Tommy spasm or the fine points of Auction,
the sophisticated ones exch