thing in this world must come to an end--bills generally do in
three months: so did these, and so did Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk's
responsible and peripatetic avocations in the highly respectable firm of
Messrs. Tims and Swindle, attorneys, and to their cost, through the agency
of Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk, bill-discounters, of Thavies' Inn,
Holborn; they, the said highly respectable firm of Tims and Swindle,
handing over to Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk the sum of four and
tenpence, being the balance of his quarter's salary, which, so great was
Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk's opinion of the solvency of the said
highly respectable firm, he had allowed to remain undrawn in their hands,
together with a note utterly and totally declining any further service or
assistance as "_in_" or "_out_door" or any sort of clerk at all, from Mr.
Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk, and amiably recommending the said Horatio to
apply elsewhere for a character; the which advice Mr. Horatio Fitzharding
Fitzfunk attended to instanter, and received, in consideration of the sum
of thirty shillings, that of "Richard the Third" from the Dramatic
Committee of Catherine Street. If Hamlet was good, Richard (among the
amateurs) was better; and if Richard was better, Shylock (at "one five")
was best, and Romeo and all the rest better still: and it may be worthy of
remark, that there is no person on earth looked upon by admiring managers
as more certain of success than the "promising young man who PAYS for his
parts."

Now it so happened that Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk's purse became an
exceedingly "Iago"-like, "something, nothing, trashy" sort of affair--in
other words, that its owner, Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk, was
regularly stumped; and as the Amateur Dramatic Theatrical Committee
"always go upon the _no pay no play system_," Mr. Horatio Fitzharding
Fitzfunk was about to incur the fate of Lord John Russell's tragedy, and
become regularly "shelved."

In this dilemma Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk addressed all sorts of
letters to all sorts of managers, offering himself for all sorts of
salaries, to play the best of all sorts of business, but never received
any sort of answer from one of them! Returning to his solitary lodging,
after a fortnight's "half and half" of patience and despair, and just as
despair was walking poor patience to Old Harry, Mr. Horatio Fitzharding
Fitzfunk encountered one of his histrionic acquaintan