ages, and with Stentorian lungs "render
night hideous" to the startled inhabitant of the one-pair-back, adjoining
the receptacle of his own truckle-bed and mortal frame.

Luck, whether good or evil, begat Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk an
introduction to some other talented young gentlemen, who had so far
progressed in histrionic acquirements, that from spouting themselves, they
had taken to spouting their watches, and other stray articles of small
value, to enable them to pay the charges of a private theatre, where, as
often as they could raise the needful, they astonished and delighted their
wondering friends. Among this worshipful society was Mr. Horatio
Fitzharding Fitzfunk adopted and enrolled as a trusty and well-beloved
member; and in the above-named private theatre, in suit of solemn black,
slightly relieved by an enormous white handkerchief, and a well-chalked
countenance, did Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk, at or about the hour of
half past eight--being precisely sixty minutes behind the period
announced, in consequence of the non-arrival of the one fiddle and ditto
flute comprising, or rather that ought to have comprised, the
orchestra--made his debut, and a particularly nervous bow to the good
folks there assembled, "as and for" the character "of Hamlet, the Danish
Prince."

To describe the "exclamations of delight," the "tornadoes of applause,"
the earthquakes of rapture, or the "breathless breathing" of the entranced
audience, would beat Mr. Bunn into fits, and the German company into
fiddle-cases; so, like a newspaper legacy, which is the only one that
never pays duty, we "_leave_ it to our reader's imagination."

The die was cast. Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk's former avocations
became intensely irksome--if he served a writ it was no longer a "writ of
right." Copies for "Jenkins" were consigned to "Tompkins;" "Brown"
declined pleading to "Smith" and Smith declared off Brown's declaration.
In inquiries after "solvent acceptors," Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk
was still more abroad. In the mystification of his brains, all answers
seemed to be delivered "per contra." Forlorn hopes on three-and sixpenny
stamps were converted into the circulating medium; "good actors" were
considered "good men" in the very reverse of Shylock's acceptation of the
term; and astonished indorsers succeeded in "raising the wind" upon
"kites" they would have bet any odds no "wind in the world could induce to
fly." Every