and drinks and walks by measure. During the latter
recreation, it is his _pleasure_, they tell us, to use one of _Payne's_
pedometers to regulate his march. Thus it is quite clear the great Captain
will never become a

[Illustration: "SOLDIER TIRED."]

* * * * *

A MALE DUE.

The Post-office in Downing-street has been besieged by various inquirers,
who are anxiously seeking for some information as to the expected arrival
of the Royal Male.

* * * * *

CURIOUS SYNONYMS.

Sir Peter Laurie discovered during his residence in Boulogne that _veau_
is the French for _veal_. On his return to England, being at a public
dinner, he exhibited his knowledge of the tongues by asking a brother
alderman for a slice of his _weal_ or _woe_.

* * * * *

HAPPY LAND!

Six young girls, inmates of the Lambeth workhouse, were brought up at
Union Hall, charged with breaking several squares of glass. In their
defence, they complained that they had been treated worse in the workhouse
than they would be in prison, and said that it was to cause their
committal to the latter place they committed the mischief. What a
beautiful picture of moral England this little anecdote exhibits! What
must be the state of society in a country where crime is punished less
severely than poverty?

Old England, bless'd and favour'd clime!
Where paupers to thy prisons run;
Where poverty's the only crime
That angry justice frowns upon.

* * * * *

THE NEW STATE STRETCHER.

"What an uncomfortable bed Peel has made for himself!" observed Normanby
to Palmerston. "That's not very clear to me, I confess," replied the
Downing-street Cupid, "as it is acknowledged he sleeps on a _bolstered
cabinet_." The pacificator of Ireland closed his face for the remainder of
the day.

* * * * *

The latest case of monomania, from our own specially-raised American
correspondent:--A gentleman who fancied himself a pendulum always went
upon tick, and never discovered his delusion until he was carefully wound
up in the Queen's Bench.

* * * * *

"VERY LIKE A WHALE."

The first of all the royal infant males
_Should_ take the title of the Prince of _Wales_;
Because 'tis clear to seaman and to lubber,
Babies and _whales_ are both inclined to _blubber_.