ger I conceal.
I serve my fellow-men, a glorious right;
Thanks for that smile, dear maid, I know 'tis due.
Yes, many have I served by day and night;
With me to aid them, none need vainly sue.
Nay, do not praise me, love, but nearer come,
That I may whisper, I'm a _bailiff's bum_.

Why start thus from me? am I then a thing
To be despised and cast aside by thee?
Oh! while to every one I fondly cling
And follow all, will no one follow me?
Oh! if it comes to this, dear girl, no more
Shalt thou have cause upon my suit to frown;
I'll serve no writs again; from me secure,
John Doe may run at leisure up and down,
Come to my arms, but do not weep the less,
Thou art the last I'll e'er take in distress.

* * * * *

A PAIR OF DUCKS.

"Pray, Sir Peter," said a brother Alderman to the City Laurie-ate the
other day, while discussing the merits of Galloway's plan for a viaduct
from Holborn-hill to Skinner-street, "Pray, Sir Peter, can you inform me
what is the difference between a viaduct and an aqueduct?" "Certainly,"
replied our "City Correspondent," with amazing condescension; "a
_via-duck_ is a land-duck, and an _aqua-duck_ is a water-duck!" The
querist confessed he had no idea before of the immensity of Sir Peter's
scientific knowledge.

* * * * *

PUNCH'S THEATRE.

MARGARET MAYFIELD; OR, THE MURDER OF THE LONE FARM-HOUSE.

[Illustration: P]Prodigious! The minor drama has exhausted its stock of
major crimes: parricide is out of date; infanticide has become from
constant occurrence decidedly low; homicide grows tame and uninteresting;
and fratricide is a mere bagatelle, not worthy of attention. The dramatist
must therefore awaken new sympathies by contriving new crimes--he must
invent. In this the Sadler's Wells genius has been fortunate. He has
brought forward a novelty in assassination, which is harrowing in the
extreme: it may be called _Farm-house-icide_! Just conceive the pitch of
intense sympathy it is possible for one to feel, while beholding "the
_murder_ of a lone farm-house!" Arson is nothing to it.

Out of this novel domiciliary catastrophe the author of "Margaret
Mayfield" has formed a melodrama, which in every other respect is founded,
like a chancellor's decree, upon precedent; it being a good old-fashioned,
cut-throat piece, of the leather-breeches-and-gaiter, plough-and-pitchfork
school. A co