dited an epistle
to the manager at the town of ----, with extraordinary haste signed the
document, and, in "the hurry of the moment," left the inscription
thus--H.F. FITZFLAM! The morrow's post brought an answer; the terms were
acceded to, the night appointed for his opening; and Mr. Horatio
Fitzharding Fitzfunk found, upon inspecting the proof of the playbill, the
name in full of "_Mr. Hannibal Fitzflummery Fitzflam_," "the great
tragedian of the day!"

Pass we over the intervening space, and at once come to the momentous
morning of rehearsal. The expected Roscius arrived like punctuality's
self, at the appointed minute, was duly received by the company, who had
previously been canvassing his merits, and assuring each other that all
stars were _muffs_, but Fitzflam one of the most impudent impostors that
ever moved. "I, sir," said the leader of the discontented
fifteen-shillings-a-week-when-they-could-get-it squad, "I have been in the
_profession_ more years than this fellow has months, and he is getting
hundreds where I am neglected: never mind! only give me a chance, and I'll
show him up. But I suppose the management--(pretty management, to engage
such a chap when I'm here)--I suppose they will truckle to him, and send
me on, as usual, for some wretched old bloke there's no getting a hand in.
John Kemble himself (and I'm told I'm in his style), I say, John Kemble,
my prototype, the now immortal John, never got applause in
'_Blokes!_'--But never mind." As a genealogist would say, "Fitz the son of
Funk" never more truly represented his ancestral cognomen than on this
trying occasion. He was no longer with amateurs, but regulars,--fellows
that could "talk and get on somehow;" that were never known to stick in
Richard, when they remembered a speech from George Barnwell; men with
"swallows" like Thames tunnels: in fact, accomplished "gaggers" and
unrivalled "wing watchers." However, as Mr. Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk
spoke to none of them, crossed where he liked, cut out most of _their_
best speeches, and turned _all_ their _backs_ to the audience, he passed
muster exceedingly well, and acted the genuine star with considerable
effect. So it was at night. Some folks objected to his knees, to be sure;
but then they were silenced--"What! Fitzflam's knees bad! Nonsense!
Fitzflam is the thing in London; and do you think Fitzflam ought to be
decried in the provinces? hasn't he been lithographed by Lane? Pooh!
impudence! spite!