nges that astound me.
Where'er I look I seem mistook;
All objects--what, I care not--
At once arrange to make a change
To something that they were not!
When thou art near, love,
Strange things occur--
Thickness is clear, love,
Clearness a blur.
Penguins are weasels,
Cheap things are dear,
"Jumps" are but measles
When thou art near!

When thou art close, the doctor's dose
Is quite a decent tonic.
Thy presence, too, makes all things new,
And five-act plays laconic.
And, with thee by, the earth's the sky,
And _your_ "day out" is _my_ day,
While tailors' bills are daffodils,
And Saturday is Friday!
When thou art here, love,
Just where you are,
Far things are near, love,
Near things are far.
Beef-tea is wine, love,
Champagne is beer,
Wet days are fine, love,
When thou art near.

Without you stand quite close at hand,
A broker _is_ a broker;
But stick by me, and then he'll be
A very pleasant joker!
Without thee by, a lie's a lie--
The truth is nought but truthful.
But by me stay, and night is day--
And even _you_ are youthful
When thou art near, love,--
Not, love, unless,--
Thick soup is clear, love,
Football is chess.
IRVINGS are TOOLES, love,
Tadpoles are deer,
Wise men are fools, love,
When thou art near!

* * * * *

When KENNEDY fell out of his boat at Henley, his antagonist, PSOTTA,
magnanimously waited for him to get in again. He must be a good Psotta
chap.

* * * * *

LOST OPPORTUNITIES.--Last Tuesday week the members of the Incorporated
Cain-and-Abel-Authors' Society lost a great treat when Mr. GEORGE
AUGUSTUS lost a indignantly refused to take his seat "below the salt,"
and walked out without making the speech with which his name was
associated on the toast-list. But, on the other hand, what a big
chance Orator GEORGE AUGUSTUS lost of coming out strong in opposition,
and astonishing the Pen-and-Inkorporated ones with a few stirring
remarks, in his most genial vein, on the brotherhood of Authors,
and their appreciation of distinguished services in the field
of Literature. It was an opportunity, too, for suggesting
"Re-distribution of Seats."

* * * * *

TO MRS. H.M. STAN