e Trumpet squeaky.
So I the Concertina try,
As valued friends advise me.
What's that you say? It's all my eye?
Well, well,--you _do_ surprise me!

I fancied you would like it much,
You and the other fellows.
Admire the tone, remark my touch!
And what capacious bellows!
'Tis not as loud as a trombone,
But harmony's not rumpus;
The chords are charming, and you'll own
It has a pretty compass.
I swing like this, I sway like that!
Fate a fine theme supplies me!
The "treatment" you think feeble, flat?
Well, well--you _do_ surprise me!

The "European Concert"? Grand!
(You recollect that term, man!)
_This_ is a Concertina, and
It's make is Anglo-German,
You can't _expect_ the thing to be
English alone, completely;
But really, as 'tis played by me.
Does it not sound most sweetly?
Humph! DONALD CURRIE cocks his nose,
BECKETT disdainfully eyes me,
My Concertina you would--_close!_
Well, well--you _do_ surprise me!

* * * * *

WEEK BY WEEK.

Scarcely a day passes without bringing us nearer to the end of the
year. That is a melancholy reflection, but we are not sure that it
exhausts all the possibilities of misery latent in the flight of
time. It has been noticed, for instance, that the Duke of X----, whose
sporting proclivities are notorious, never fails to celebrate his
birthday with a repast at an inferior _restaurant_, and, as His Grace
is powerful, his friends suffer in silence and bewail his increasing
ducal age.

* * * * *

Henley Regatta came off as arranged. This is a peculiarity which is
very striking in connection with this Royal fixture. We are informed
that several certainties were upset, but by whom and why has not
been stated. Candidly speaking, such a brutal method as "upsetting"
consorts ill with the softer manners of our time. On the Thames, too,
it must be extraordinarily disagreeable.

* * * * *

Mrs. WEEDLE, the Hon. Mrs. THREADBARE, and Lady FAWN, have joined
the lately established Bureau for the Dissemination of Fashionable
Friendships. The Personal Advertising Department is now open, and is
daily filled with a distinguished crowd of applicants. Arrangements
are in process of completion for supplying the deserving rich with
cambric handkerchiefs, and imitation diamonds, at nominal prices.

* *