tch's beard, her breath stink all over the room, her nose drop winter and
summer, with a Bavarian poke under her chin, a sharp chin, lave eared, with
a long crane's neck, which stands awry too, _pendulis mammis_, "her dugs
like two double jugs," or else no dugs, in that other extreme, bloody
fallen fingers, she have filthy, long unpared nails, scabbed hands or
wrists, a tanned skin, a rotten carcass, crooked back, she stoops, is lame,
splay-footed, "as slender in the middle as a cow in the waist," gouty legs,
her ankles hang over her shoes, her feet stink, she breed lice, a mere
changeling, a very monster, an oaf imperfect, her whole complexion savours,
a harsh voice, incondite gesture, vile gait, a vast virago, or an ugly tit,
a slug, a fat fustilugs, a truss, a long lean rawbone, a skeleton, a
sneaker (_si qua latent meliora puta_), and to thy judgment looks like a
merd in a lantern, whom thou couldst not fancy for a world, but hatest,
loathest, and wouldst have spit in her face, or blow thy nose in her bosom,
_remedium amoris_ to another man, a dowdy, a slut, a scold, a nasty, rank,
rammy, filthy, beastly quean, dishonest peradventure, obscene, base,
beggarly, rude, foolish, untaught, peevish, Irus' daughter, Thersites'
sister, Grobians' scholar, if he love her once, he admires her for all
this, he takes no notice of any such errors, or imperfections of body or
mind, [5391]_Ipsa haec--delectant, veluti Balbinum Polypus Agnae_,; he had
rather have her than any woman in the world. If he were a king, she alone
should be his queen, his empress. O that he had but the wealth and treasure
of both the Indies to endow her with, a carrack of diamonds, a chain of
pearl, a cascanet of jewels, (a pair of calfskin gloves of four-pence a
pair were fitter), or some such toy, to send her for a token, she should
have it with all his heart; he would spend myriads of crowns for her sake.
Venus herself, Panthea, Cleopatra, Tarquin's Tanaquil, Herod's Mariamne, or
[5392]Mary of Burgundy, if she were alive, would not match her.

"([5393]Vincit vultus haec Tyndarios,
Qui moverunt horrida bellla."

Let Paris himself be judge) renowned Helen comes short, that Rodopheian
Phillis, Larissean Coronis, Babylonian Thisbe, Polixena, Laura, Lesbia,
&c., your counterfeit ladies were never so fair as she is.

[5394] "Quicquid erit placidi, lepidi, grati, atque faceti,
Vivida cunctorum retines Pandora deorum."

"Whate'er