the fountain lapping up against the marble. I told him I much
preferred to be up against a bottle of wine and do the lapping myself.
He, with that true Chicago gallantry, said, 'Excuse me first, I want to
'phone a friend.'

"I'm glad I didn't hold my breath while he was gone. I think he must
have taken a surface car for Oak Park. Those Chicago rum-dums are the
true sports, all right, all right. If necessity compels them to buy
anything stronger than beer they commence to look sassy at the waiter
and talk loud. Chicago is sure rightly named when they call it the Windy
City. You just ought to have heard the line of jolly some of those boys
tried to hand out to me. To me, mind you, to me! They must have thought
that I was some unsophisticated young ingenue that never had been
further away from State street than an occasional excursion across the
lake to St. Joe.

"I sloshed around town for a couple of days just to give those people a
change from the usual run of Randolph street romps, then I hit the
hummer for bleeding Kansas and Emporia.

"Say, I had a great first entrance into that burg and nothing else; but
a crate of lemons got off to crab the act. When I climb down off the
hurdle, behold, the village choir right there on the job to see the
train come in. The arrival of the train--notice the train--is what you
might call the main event of the day. As soon as the village yokels saw
my trunks being unloaded they all did the grand duck for the theatre to
strike the house manager, thinking it was a show. I hadn't tipped my
mitt to the folks, so they were not at the tank to give me the parental
embrace, but after giving the necessary instructions to the baggage man
I climbed into the Palace Hotel bus and romped up to my ancestors'
abode.

"Business of weeping on neck. Mother wigwags father, who comes over from
the grocery store, where he is electing the President of the United
States. Business of rejoicing ad. lib. Sister comes in from the village
school; neighbors kick in to see what's coming off. Entrance of trunks,
gasps of surprise by populace. Distribution of presents by muh.

"That night there was a young people's meeting at the church. A young
people's meeting is a signal for every old dame in the township that's
not married to iron out her white silk waist and take it on the run for
the tabernacle. After the usual prelude the minister got up and said,
'We would like a few words from Sabrina, who has lately ret