cigars and
cigarettes in town.

"All of our set was there, and numerous telegrams of regret were read
from the road companies. As I say, I was seated quietly in a rathskeller
listening to the noise, when one of the young ladies inadvertently
remarked that there was to be big doings at a nearby hall, and suggested
that as she was selling tickets, it would be a good plan to buy some and
go and look the affair over, not to mingle with the throng, but merely
to add tone to the event. That listened very well indeed, and we all
climbed into a cabbage and vamped over.

"We managed to secure a box and were seated surveying the dancers, of
which there were a few, and the wine agents, of which there was a herd,
until one of the said agents happened to spy our little crowd, and with
that true Southern gallantry for which wine agents are so noted, he sent
over a quart bottle for each one of the party, but in the excitement of
the moment forgot to include glasses, so rather than look a gift horse
in the mouth, metaphorically speaking, we did not mention the oversight
and contented ourselves with drinking out of the bottles in true
democratic spirit. Did you ever imbibe Tiffany Water direct from its
native heath, as it were? No? Then let me warn you from that lurking
pitfall. It has the same taste, but the effect, di mi, the effect is
multiplied by six.

"All of a sudden I became inoculated with a wild desire to burst forth
into song, and also with the idea that when it came to tripping the
light fantastic toe I had Genee looking like the first lesson in a $5
course. With that hunch in mind I shook the rest of the mob and
descended to the floor accompanied by my personal press agent. I was
wearing, at the time, one of my latest importations both underneath and
outside. When the band for the nineteenth time struck up the 'Merry
Widow' waltz, by permission of Henry W. Savage, I capered out upon the
floor, where, much to the edification of the assembled multitude, I
pulled off a combination of the 'Merry Widow' waltz and Dance of the
Seven Veils that will be the talk of the town until Bingham does
something else foolish. Did it cause excitement! Well, say, if it hadn't
been for the kindness of a friend I would at this time been pacing a
prison corridor in striped pajamas.

"Honest, when I came to this morning and Estelle--that's my maid--told
me what I had done, I vowed that I never would speak to a wine agent
again, for I was jus