rmed to see you.' And kissed me--the cat. Then she
said, 'Dearie, I understand you have inherited a fortune.' And raised
her eyebrows just like that. Now I had been kidded enough about that
legacy of mine, and when that doll, that ain't such a muchness herself,
commences to hand out inferences, I naturally lost my goat, but
remembering that I am now a lady I let go of my hatpin and merely
remarked, 'Yes, but I came by it honestly, and I can safely say that I
am no Foxy Grandpa's fair-haired child.'

"That terse remark made her sit up and take notice, for she had been
telling one of the members of the party who she was trying to make a hit
with that she got her money from her large estates in England. The only
thing she knows about England she learned at a Burton Holmes lecture
that she got into on a ticket she found in the subway.

"The gentlemen of the party called time and we sat down to the table.
She started putting on airs and telling what she knew about the Thaw
trial, so to let her know that I was right there I passed out this one,
'It's a cinch if anybody did any shooting to save your life he'll get
the chair the first throw out of the box, and the jury won't be out any
longer than it takes to get their hats, either.' Say, if she had had a
gun she'd have shot me. One of the gentlemen remarked to me, 'You don't
care for this young lady, do you?' I said, 'Sure, I like her. I like her
about as much as Bingham likes Jerome.'

"This female party started to drinking champagne as if it were suds, so
naturally it wasn't long before she got a snootful, and one of these
crying kind, all the party began to kid her until at last she sobbed,
'Well, there is always one place I can go to where I am welcome.' One of
the guys said, 'Yes, dearie, I know it, but it is after 1 o'clock now
and that place is closed.' Then little Bright Eyes beat it and we all
had a real nice evening after that. Oh! She's a smooth one, all right;
she nearly made me lose my job once if it hadn't been that the stage
manager was carrying my suitcase I would have been decorated with my
little two weeks out in the wilds somewhere. You see it was this way: We
had a tree, not the one Arthur owned, but another, and one of the
comedians had to stand inside of it for about fifteen minutes before he
could make his entrance--laughing number--this was only a dinky little
place and only had one small airhole. Well, this foxy dame stuffed this
airhole full of limb