an egg might that be?" asked a fresh young man.

"A base, cowardly egg," explained the statesman, "is one that hits you
and then runs."

"Uncle Joe" Cannon has a way of speaking his mind that is sometimes
embarrassing to others. On one occasion an inexperienced young fellow
was called upon to make a speech at a banquet at which ex-speaker
Cannon was also present.

"Gentlemen," began the young fellow, "my opinion is that the
generality of mankind in general is disposed to take advantage of the
generality of--"

"Sit down, son," interrupted "Uncle Joe." "You are coming out of the
same hole you went in at."

A South African tribe has an effective method of dealing with bores,
which might be adopted by Western peoples. This simple tribe considers
long speeches injurious to the orator and his hearers; so to protect
both there is an unwritten law that every public orator must stand on
only one leg when he is addressing an audience. As soon as he has to
place the other leg on the ground his oration is brought to a close,
by main force, if necessary.

A rather turgid orator, noted for his verbosity and heaviness, was
once assigned to do some campaigning in a mining camp in the
mountains. There were about fifty miners present when he began; but
when, at the end of a couple of hours, he gave no sign of finishing,
his listeners dropped away.

Some went back to work, but the majority sought places to quench their
thirst, which had been aggravated by the dryness of the discourse.

Finally there was only one auditor left, a dilapidated, weary-looking
old fellow. Fixing his gaze on him, the orator pulled out a large
six-shooter and laid it on the table. The old fellow rose slowly and
drawled out:

"Be you going to shoot if I go?"

"You bet I am," replied the speaker. "I'm bound to finish my speech,
even if I have to shoot to keep an audience."

The old fellow sighed in a tired manner, and edged slowly away, saying
as he did so:

"Well, shoot if you want to. I may jest as well be shot as talked to
death."

The self-made millionaire who had endowed the school had been invited
to make the opening speech at the commencement exercises. He had not
often had a chance of speaking before the public and he was resolved
to make the most of it. He dragged his address out most tiresomely,
repeating the same thought over and over. Unable to stand it any
longer a couple of boys in the rear of the room slipped out. A
coach