President told me to tell you that he is
asleep."

The lady's eyes sparkled as she responded, "Ah, he says he is asleep,
eh? Well, will you be kind enough to return and ask him when he intends
to wake up?"

The garrulous old lady in the stern of the boat had pestered the guide
with her comments and questions ever since they had started. Her meek
little husband, who was hunched toad-like in the bow, fished in silence.
The old lady had seemingly exhausted every possible point in fish and
animal life, woodcraft, and personal history when she suddenly espied
one of those curious paths of oily, unbroken water frequently seen on
small lakes which are ruffled by a light breeze.

"Oh, guide, guide," she exclaimed, "what makes that funny streak in the
water--No, there--Right over there!"

The guide was busy re-baiting the old gentleman's hook and merely
mumbled "U-m-mm."

"Guide," repeated the old lady in tones that were not to be denied,
"look right over there where I'm pointing and tell me what makes that
funny streak in the water."

The guide looked up from his baiting with a sigh.

"That? Oh, that's where the road went across the ice last winter."

Nothing more clearly expresses the sentiments of Harvard men in seasons
of athletic rivalry than the time-honored "To hell with Yale!"

Once when Dean Briggs, of Harvard, and Edward Everett Hale were on their
way to a game at Soldiers' Field a friend asked:

"Where are you going, Dean?"

"To yell with Hale," answered Briggs with a meaning smile.

John Kendrick Bangs one day called up his wife on the telephone. The
maid at the other end did not recognize her "master's voice," and after
Bangs had told her whom he wanted the maid asked:

"Do you wish to speak with Mrs. Bangs?"

"No, indeed," replied the humorist; "I want to kiss her."

A boy took a position in an office where two different telephones were
installed.

"Your wife would like to speak to you on the 'phone, sir," he said to
his employer.

"Which one?" inquired the boss, starting toward the two booths.

"Please, sir, she didn't say, and I didn't know that you had more than
one."

An Englishman was being shown the sights along the Potomac. "Here,"
remarked the American, "is where George Washington threw a dollar across
the river."

"Well," replied the Englishman, "that is not very remarkable, for a
dollar went much further in those days than it does now."

The American would not be wor