sing! I w-was s-s-im-ply
s-s-s-saying to S-s-s-sammie that the s-s-s-singing is s-s-s-superb."

A man who stuttered badly went to a specialist and after ten difficult
lessons learned to say quite distinctly, "Peter Piper picked a peck of
pickled peppers." His friends congratulated him upon this splendid
achievement.

"Yes," said the man doubtfully, "but it's s-s-such a d-d-deucedly
d-d-d-difficult rem-mark to w-w-work into an ordin-n-nary
c-c-convers-s-sa-tion, y' know."

STATESMEN

A statesman is a deal politician.--_Mr. Dooley_.

A statesman is a man who finds out which way the crowd is going, then
jumps in front and yells like blazes.

STATISTICS

An earnest preacher in Georgia, who has a custom of telling the Lord all
the news in his prayers, recently began a petition for help against the
progress of wickedness in his town, with the statement:

"Oh, Thou great Jehovah, crime is on the increase. It is becoming more
prevalent daily. I can prove it to you by statistics."

PATIENT--"Tell me candidly, Doc, do you think I'll pull through?"

DOCTOR--"Oh, you're bound to get well--you can't help yourself. _The
Medical Record_ shows that out of one hundred cases like yours, one per
cent invariably recovers. I've treated ninety-nine cases, and every one
of them died. Why, man alive, you can't die if you try! There's no
humbug in statistics."

STEAK

"Can I get a steak here and catch the one o'clock train?"

"It depends on your teeth, sir."

STEAM

"Can you tell what steam is?" asked the examiner.

"Why, sure, sir," replied Patrick confidently. "Steam is--Why--er--it's
wather thos's gone crazy wid the heat."

STEAMSHIPS AND STEAMBOATS

"That new steamer they're building is a whopper," says the man with the
shoe button nose.

"Yes," agrees the man with the recalcitrant hair, "but my uncle is going
to build one so long that when a passenger gets seasick in one end of it
he can go to the other end and be clear away from the storm."

STENOGRAPHERS

A beautiful statuesque blond had left New York to act as stenographer to
a dignified Philadelphian of Quaker descent. On the morning of her first
appearance she went straight to the desk of her employer.

"I presume," she remarked, "that you begin the day over here the same as
they do in New York?"

"Oh, yes," replied the employer, without glancing up from a letter he
was reading.

"Well, hurry up and k