iss me, then," was the startling rejoinder, "I want
to get to work."

STOCK BROKERS

A grain broker in New Boston, Maine,
Said, "That market gives me a pain;
I can hardly bear it,
To bull--I don't dare it,
For it's going against the grain."

--_Minnesota Minne-Ha-Ha_.

STRATEGY

A bird dog belonging to a man in Mulvane disappeared last week. The
owner put this "ad" in the paper and insisted that it be printed exactly
as he wrote it:

LOST OR RUN AWAY--One livver culered burd dog called Jim. Will show
signs of hyderfobby in about three days. The dog came home the following
day.

"Boy, take these flowers to Miss Bertie Bohoo, Room 12."

"My, sir, you're the fourth gentleman wot's sent her flowers to-day."

"What's that? What the deuce? W--who sent the others?"

"Oh, they didn't send any names. They all said, 'She'll know where they
come from.'"

"Well, here, take my card, and tell her these are from the same one who
sent the other three boxes."

The little girl was having a great deal of trouble pronouncing some of
the words she met with. "Vinegar" had given her the most trouble, and
she was duly grieved to know that the village was being entertained by
her efforts in this direction.

She was sent one day to the store with the vinegar-jug, to get it
filled, and had no intention of amusing the people who were gathered in
the store. So she handed the jug to the clerk with:

"Smell the mouth of it and give me a quart."

A young couple had been courting for several years, and the young man
seemed to be in no hurry to marry. Finally, one day, he said:

"Sall, I canna marry thee."

"How's that?" asked she.

"I've changed my mind," said he.

"Well, I'll tell thee what we'll do," said she. "If folks know that it's
thee as has given me up I shanna be able to get another chap; but if
they think I've given thee up then I can get all I want. So we'll have
banns published and when the wedding day comes the parson will say to
thee, 'Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife?' and thou must
say, 'I will.' And when he says to me, 'Wilt thou have this man to be
thy wedded husband?' I shall say, 'I winna.'"

The day came, and when the minister asked the important question the man
answered:

"I will."

Then the parson said to the woman:

"Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband?" and she said:

"I will."

"Why," said the young man furiously, "you said