who was engaged in railroad
enterprise in Central America, was seeking local support for a road and
attempted to give the matter point. He asked a native:

"How long does it take you to carry your goods to market by muleback?"

"Three days," was the reply.

"There's the point," said Miller. "With our road in operation you could
take your goods to market and be back home in one day."

"Very good, senor," answered the native. "But what would we do with the
other two days?"

A visitor from New York to the suburbs said to his host during the
afternoon:

"By the way, your front gate needs repairing. It was all I could do to
get it open. You ought to have it trimmed or greased or something."

"Oh, no," replied the owner "Oh, no, that's all right."

"Why is it?" asked the visitor.

"Because," was the reply, "every one who comes through that gate pumps
two buckets of water into the tank on the roof."

SCOTCH, THE

A Scotsman is one who prays on his knees on Sunday and preys on his
neighbors on week days.

It being the southerner's turn, he told about a county in Missouri so
divided in sentiment that year after year the vote of a single man
prohibits the sale of liquor there. "And what," he asked, "do you
suppose is the name of the chap who keeps a whole county dry?"

Nobody had an idea.

"Mackintosh, as I'm alive!" declared the southerner.

Everybody laughed except the Englishman. "It's just like a Scotsman to
be so obstinate!" he sniffed, and was much astonished when the rest of
the party laughed more than ever.

A Scottish minister, taking his walk early in the morning, found one of
his parishioners recumbent in a ditch.

"Where hae you been the nicht, Andrew?" asked the minister.

"Weel, I dinna richtly ken," answered the prostrate one, "whether it was
a wedding' or a funeral, but whichever it was it was a most
extraordinary success."

_See also_ Thrift.

SEASICKNESS

A Philadelphian, on his way to Europe, was experiencing seasickness for
the first time. Calling his wife to his bedside, he said in a weak
voice: "Jennie, my will is in the Commercial Trust Company's care.
Everything is left to you, dear. My various stocks you will find in my
safe-deposit box." Then he said fervently: "And, Jenny, bury me on the
other side. I can't stand this trip again, alive or dead."--_Joe King_.

Motto for the dining saloon of an ocean steamship: "Man wants but little
here below, nor w