minister
was putting aside all the choice pieces of chicken and her father asked
her why she did that. She explained that she was saving them for her
dog. Her father told her there were plenty of bones the dog could have
so she consented to eat the dainty bits. Later she collected the bones
and took them to the dog saying, "I meant to give a free will offering
but it is only a collection."

A little newsboy with a cigarette in his mouth entered a notion store
and asked for a match.

"We only _sell_ matches," said the storekeeper.

"How much are they?" asked the future citizen.

"Penny a box," was the answer.

"Gimme a box," said the boy.

He took one match, lit the cigarette, and handed the box back over the
counter, saying, "Here, take it and put it on de shelf, and when anodder
sport comes and asks for a match, give him one on me."

Little Ralph belonged to a family of five. One morning he came into the
house carrying five stones which he brought to his mother, saying:

"Look, mother, here are tombstones for each one of us."

The mother, counting them, said:

"Here is one for father, dear! Here is one for mother! Here is
brother's! Here is the baby's; but there is none for Delia, the maid."

Ralph was lost in thought for a moment, then cheerfully cried:

"Oh, well, never mind, mother; Delia can have mine, and I'll live!"

She was making the usual female search for her purse when the conductor
came to collect the fares.

Her companion meditated silently for a moment, then, addressing the
other, said:

"Let us divide this Mabel; you fumble and I'll pay."

GENTLEMEN

"Sadie, what is a gentleman?"

"Please, ma'am," she answered, "a gentleman's a man you don't know very
well."

Two characters in Jeffery Farnol's "Amateur Gentleman" give these
definitions of a gentleman:

"A gentleman is a fellow who goes to a university, but doesn't have to
learn anything; who goes out into the world, but doesn't have to work at
anything; and who has never been black-balled at any of the clubs."

"A gentleman is (I take it) one born with the God-like capacity to think
and feel for others, irrespective of their rank or condition.... One who
possesses an ideal so lofty, a mind so delicate, that it lifts him above
all things ignoble and base, yet strengthens his hands to raise those
who are fallen--no matter how low."

GERMANS

The poet Heine and Baron James Rothschild were close friends.