Just then a bit of plastering fell from the ceiling and hit him squarely
upon the head. Whereupon he jumped up, looked confused and said:
"I--er--I meant I'll give fifty dollars!" then again resumed his seat.

After a brief silence a voice was heard to say: "O Lord, hit 'im again!"

He gives twice who gives quickly because the collectors come around
later on and hit him for another subscription.--_Puck_.

"Presents," I often say, "endear Absents."--_Charles Lamb_.

In giving, a man receives more than he gives, and the more is in
proportion to the worth of the thing given.--_George MacDonald_.

_See also_ Christmas gifts.

GLUTTONY

A clergyman was quite ill as a result of eating many pieces of mince
pie.

A brother minister visited him and asked him if he was afraid to die.

"No," the sick man replied, "But I should be ashamed to die from eating
too much."

There was a young person named Ned,
Who dined before going to bed,
On lobster and ham
And salad and jam,
And when he awoke he was dead.

GOLF

Two Scotchmen met and exchanged the small talk appropriate to the hour.
As they were parting to go supperward Sandy said to Jock:

"Jock, mon, I'll go ye a roond on the links in the morrn'."

"The morrn'?" Jock repeated.

"Aye, mon, the morrn'," said Sandy. "I'll go ye a roond on the links in
the morrn'."

"Aye, weel," said Jock, "I'll go ye. But I had intended to get marriet
in the morrn'."

GOLFER (unsteadied by Christmas luncheon) to Opponent--

"Sir, I wish you clearly to understand that I resent your
unwarrant--your interference with my game, sir! Tilt the green once
more, sir, and I chuck the match."

Doctor William S. Rainsford is an inveterate golf player. When he was
rector of St. George's Church, in New York City, he was badly beaten on
the links by one of his vestrymen. To console the clergyman the
vestryman ventured to say: "Never mind, Doctor, you'll get satisfaction
some day when I pass away. Then you'll read the burial service over me."

"I don't see any satisfaction in that," answered the clergy-man, "for
you'll still be in the hole."

SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER--"Willie, do you know what beomes of boys who use
bad language when they're playing marbles?"

WILLIE--"Yes, miss. They grow up and play golf."

The game of golf, as every humorist knows, is conducive to profanity. It
is also a terrible strain on veracity, every man being his own umpire.