wly Water Cress followed the others into the Discard.

The Guest motioned the Waiter to come close and said: "I want a nice
Oyster Stew and some Sparkling Burgundy."

MORAL: A Delicacy is something not raised in the same County.

THE GALLOPING PILGRIM

A certain affluent Bachelor happened to be the only Grandson of a
rugged Early Settler who wore a Coon-Skip Cap and drank Corn Juice out
of a Jug. Away back in the Days when every Poor Man had Bacon in the
Smoke House, this Pioneer had been soaked in a Trade and found himself
loaded up with a Swamp Subdivision in the Edge of Town.

Fifty years later the City had spread two miles beyond the Swamp and
Grandson was submerged beneath so much Unearned Increment that he began
to speak with what sounded to him like an English Accent and his Shirts
were ordered from Paris.

On the 1st of every Month the Agents would crawl into the Presence of
the Grandson of the mighty Muskrat Hunter and dump before him a Wagon-
load of Paper Money which had been snatched away from the struggling
Shop-Keepers, who, in turn, had wheedled it from the people who paid a
Nickel apiece for Sunday Papers so as to look at the Pictures of the
Decorations in the Supper Room at the Assembly Ball graced by the
Presence of the aforesaid Bachelor whose Grandfather had lifted the
original Catfish out of the Chicago River.

Then the Representative of the Old Family would take a Garden Rake and
pattern all this hateful Currency into a neat Mound, after which a
milk-fed Secretary would iron it out and disinfect it and sprinkle it
with Lilac Water and tie it into artistic Packets using Old Gold
Ribbon.

After that, it was Hard Lines for the Bachelor, because he had to sit
by a window at the Club and dope out some new Way of getting all that
Coin back into Circulation.

As a result of these Herculean Efforts to vaporize his Income, he found
himself at the age of 40 afflicted with Social Gastritis. He had
gorged himself with the Pleasures of this World until the sight of a
Menu Card gave him the Willies and the mere mention of Musical Comedy
would cause him to break down and Cry like a Child.

He had crossed the Atlantic so often that he no longer wished to sit
at the Captain's Table. He had rolled them high at Monte Carlo and
watched the Durbar at Delhi and taken Tea on the Terrace at Shepheard's
in Cairo and rickshawed through Japan and ridden the surf in Honolulu,
while his Name was a Household