bout the time that the White Vinegar gave way to the Aniline Dye,
a nut headed Swozzie, who could get into Matteawan without Credentials,
moved down the Line of Distinguished Guests asking for Autographs.
His Example was followed by 150 other Shropshires, so that for the next
30 Minutes the Festal Chamber resembled the Auditing Department of a
large Mercantile Establishment.

During this Period, the Department of Geology in the University was
honored by the appearance of a genuine petrified Quail. And the Head
Lettuce carried the Personal Guarantee of the Goodyear Rubber Co.

Between the Rainbow Ice Cream and the Calcareous Fromage, a member of
the class of '08, who could not Sing, arose and did so.

Then each Guest had to take a Tablespoonful of Cafe Noir and two
Cigars selected by a former Student who had promised his Mother never
to use Tobacco.

It was now 10 o'clock and time to go Home. Those who had started to
tune up along in the Afternoon were dying on the Vine. Others, who
had tried to catch even on the $3 Ticket, felt as if they had been
loaded with Pig Iron. Up at the Long Table enough Speakers to supply a
Chautauqua Circuit were feeling of themselves to make sure that the
Manuscript had not been lost. Each thought that he was the Orator of
the Evening.

The Committee had put on the Toast Program every one who might possibly
take Offense at not being Asked.

Also they had selected as Toastmaster a beaming Broncho whose Vocal
Chords were made of seasoned Moose-Hide and who remembered all the
black-face Gravy that Billy Rice used to lam across to Lew Benedict
when Niblo's Garden was first opened.

After every 30-minute Address he would spend ten minutes in polite
kidding of the Last Speaker and then another 10 Minutes in climbing
a Mountain Height from which to present the Next Speaker.

Along about Midnight the Cowards and Quitters began crawling out of
Side Doors, but most of the Loyal Sons of Old Bohunkus propped
themselves up and tried to be Game.

Before 1 o'clock a Member of the Faculty put them on the Ropes with
40 Minutes on projected Changes in the Curriculum.

At 1:30 the Toastmaster was making Speech No. 8 and getting ready to
spring the Oldest Living Graduate.

Protected by all the Gray Hair that was left to him, he began to
Reminisce, going back to the Days when it was considered a Great Lark
to put a Cow in the Chapel.

The Toastmaster arrived home at 3 A. M. and aroused his Wi