ties that, as a result of widespread Interest in the
demoralizing Pastime, ordinary Conversation on the tail-end of a
Trolley Car was becoming unintelligible to University Graduates, and
the Reports in the Daily Press had passed beyond the Ken of a mere
Student of the English Language.

The Medical Society certified that eight out of ten Men had shattered
their Nervous Systems, split their Vocal Cords and developed Moral
Astigmatism, all because of the Paroxysms resulting from Partisan
Fervor. Either build an Asylum in every Block or else liberate the
present Inmates of all the Nut-Colleges. It was not fair to keep the
Quiet Ones locked up while the raving Bugs were admitted to the Grand
Stand every Afternoon.

Under the Circumstances, a purely Paternal Administration could do only
One Thing. It put Base Ball out of Business.

On the very next Afternoon the unquenchable demand for Sport asserted
itself.

Steve went into the Back Yard with his eldest Son and looked about
cautiously.

"Is the Look-Out stationed on the Fence?" he asked.

"He is."

"Is the Garden Gate securely locked?"

"It is."

"Are the Mallets properly muffled?"

"They are."

"Then t'hell with the Law! We'll have a Game of Croquet."

MORAL: If it is in the Blood, the only Remedy is the substitution of
Iced Tea.

HOW ALBERT SAT IN

Once upon a Time there was a Bright Young Lawyer of ordinary Good Looks
and Modest Bank Account who regarded the so-called Smart Set with
scorching Contempt.

Our Hero, whose name was Albert, refused to fall for the Parlor Game.

Now there resided in this Town a certain High Priestess of the Socially
Elect and a Queen Bee of the Cotillion Tribe. Whatever she said, Went.
No one could lay claim to any Class in this Town until he had seated
himself at one of her Dinners, with the $28,000 Gold Service in front
of him, and dissected a French Artichoke right down to the Foundation.

One Evening while Albert was burning up the Local Aristocracy he made
the Crack that, if he wanted to go in for such Tommy-rot, he could be
Dining with the aforesaid Dowager Duchess within a Year. His Friends
hooted at the Suggestion and the Outcome of the Controversy was a
Wager. Albert was to storm the Citadel and land inside before the
Expiration of Twelve Months or else blow the whole Gang to a high-
priced Feed.

Next Sunday he began to take Part in the High Church Ceremonies and
wait on the Steps to make a Fuss ov