overhear Candid Expressions
which indicated that every Social Leader was trying to slip Knock-Out
Drops into somebody else's Claret Cup.

Around the Haunts of Business he would stand on one Foot while the Boss
carefully worded the Message which was to read like a Contract while
leaving a Loop-Hole about the size of the Hudson Tunnel.

One night the Kid was returning homeward with a Comrade in Misery. As
the Trolley carried them toward that portion of the City where Children
are still in Vogue, they fell to talking of the Future and what it
might have in Store for a Bright Boy who could keep on the Trot all day
and sustain himself by eating Cocoa-Nut Pie.

The Comrade hoped to be a Vaudeville Actor, but the Kid said, after
some Meditation: "During the past Two Years I have mingled in all
Grades of Society and I have decided to round out my Career by being
a Deep-Sea Diver."

MORAL: A little Learning is a dangerous thing and a good deal of it is
Suffocating.

THE HONEYMOON THAT TRIED TO COME BACK

Once there was an undivorced Couple that would get up every G. M. and
put on the five-ounce Mitts and wait for the Sound of the Gong.

Each was working for the Championship of the Flat and proved to be a
Glutton for Punishment.

Every time he landed a crushing Hay-Maker on her Family History she
countered with a short-arm Jolt on his Personal Appearance.

Both would retire to the Corners breathing heavily, but still full of
Combat.

He loved to start out the Day by finding in the Paper what a Professor
connected with the University of Chicago had said about the American
Woman being a vain and shallow Parasite with a Cerebrum about the size
of an English Walnut.

She would retaliate by reading aloud a Special in regard to a Husband
going after Wife with Axe, while under the Influence of Liquor.

After which, for 15 or 20 minutes, the Dining Room would be just as
peaceful and quiet as a Camorra Trial.

Sometimes he would get First Blood, but just as often she would fiddle
around for an Opening and then Zowie!--right on the Conk and him
Stalling to escape further Punishment.

When Nightfall came they would still be edging around the Ring,
whanging away, for each was too Game to be a Quitter.

Their Married Life, which started out with American Beauty Roses in
every Vase and a long Piece in the Paper, now settled down to a Thirty
Years' War.

The only time when the Dove of Peace really Lit was when they had