laces on Long Island. In the Meantime I am playing in Great
Luck if I can get a Trolley Car to Stop for me."

At this point the Wife of Otis arose and, pulling the rose-colored
Silk Wrapper more closely about her made-to-order Form, interrupted
with an Imperious Gesture.

"Back up, Angie!" she exclaimed. "You should be a Happy Woman. You
have your Husband's Love and you have your Children, both of which are
denied a Woman of my Assured Position in the Two Minute Class of the
Terrible Spenders. Talk about Hardships! Do you know what it is to
lead the Grand March, surrounded by 800 Assegai-Throwers, Harpooners
and Cannibal Queens, who are pointing you out as the Wife of the
Malefactor who is about to the Tried in the Federal Courts! Did you
ever Stagger around all Evening with $100,000 worth of Tiffany
Merchandise fastened on to you--expecting every Minute to be hit in
the Coiffure by some Raffles? Did you ever, during a Formal Dinner,
hear the Door Bell tinkle and find in the Hallway a Reporter from a
Morning Paper who wishes to ask your Husband if he denies his Guilt
or can give any Reason why Sentence of Death should not be passed upon
him? Are you Wise to the Fact that the Wife of a Successful Business
Man now occupies a Niche in the Hall of Fame right next to the Sister
of Jesse James? You are in Great Luck. No one takes a Shot at a
Failure."

Having arrived at this cordial Understanding, each leaned against the
other and had a Good Cry, after which they chircked up and paid a lot
of Attention to a well-preserved Bachelor who dropped in to get warm
and take a slight Fall out of the Side-Board.

MORAL: When Wealth walks in the Door, the Press Agent comes in through
the Window.

THE LONG AND LONESOME RIDE

One pleasant morning the President of the Society for Promoting the
Importation of Scotch Merchandise awoke after a Balloon Voyage which
began 6 Feet below Sea Level in a Rathskeller and finished 2,000 feet
above the Altitude recorded by Lincoln Beachey, the Man-Bird.

When he Came To he discovered that the Pillow had climbed over on top
of him and was trying to work the Half-Nelson, while a large Pile-
Driver was beating a rhythmical Tattoo on the tender Bean.

He had a Temperature of 102 and his Ears were hanging down. Also,
during the Period of Coma some one had extracted the Eyes and
substituted two hot Door-Knobs.

After he had decanted a miniature Niagara on to the smoking Coppers
and