Bosoms, arose to their Feet and waved Napkins and
gave the Orator what he described to his wife at 2 A. M. as A Novation.

Another Good Man was spoiled.

After Herman made this goshawful Hit with the Souses he became
convinced that he was an After-Dinner Wit.

Gus Thomas and Simeon Ford had nothing on him.

Whenever he found himself seated at a Table with other People and Food
being served, he began to suck Lozenges and classify his Anecdotes and
try to appear Unconcerned.

All the time he was simply waiting for the Main Fluff to come up from
behind the Chrysanthemums and say, "We have with us this evening."

He knew he was a Dinger, because he remembered how the Magnificent
Assemblage stood and cheered him for five minutes.

Therefore his Voice sounded to him a good deal like the Boston Symphony
Orchestra playing Rubinstein's Melody in F.

Whenever People sat down in front of the decorative Canape Caviar and
got ready to endure the Horrors of another Hotel Gorge, they would
glance across the Snowy Expanse of White, dotted with plump California
Olives and cold, unfeeling Celery, and seeing Herman seated opposite,
would remark, "Stung!"

He could not have been kept in his Chair with a Ton of Coal in each
Tail-Pocket.

And if The Ladies were present, that was when he worked in the Bird-
Calls and ordered out the Twinkling Stars.

According to the Expectation Tables of the Insurance Actuaries,
probably he will Stick Around for 32 years more and never find out that
he is a Pest.

MORAL: Those who bemoan the Decline of Oratory should remember that
Oratory never was known to Decline.

THE GALUMPTIOUS GIRL

Once there was a kittenish Senorita condemned to dwell in a Piccolo
Town out on a Spur Division of the Dinkusville Short Line.

It was one of those not-dead-but-sleeping Settlements with a Sheet-Iron
Cornice on every Store Building and the Hack in which Gen. Sherman once
rode still meeting the Trains.

All the older Residents were sitting back on their Surplus trying to
hatch out 7 per cent. Any one suggesting a Public Improvement was led
into Court House Square and publicly Beheaded.

A Girl with real Jamaica Ginger coursing through her Arteries did not
have a Look-In so long as she was hung up at this Whistling Post, where
every Meeting of the Research Club was a Poultry Exhibit and the local
Astor played a Brown Derby in conjunction with the extreme Soup and
Fish.

So the Senorita, by name Ma