k at all. The nigger here
sustains only one character with us,--that uv a inferior bein, the slave
uv the hawty Caucashen, uv whom we are the noblest specimens; that is,
the Deekin is, he bein a Southerner. I unfortunately wuz born in the
North, and am a hawty Caucashen only by adoption. To marry a nigger wood
be to destroy our idea uv sooperiority, for we marry only our ekals. The
intercourse with em, the results uv wich yoo see indications, bein
outside uv the pale uv matrimony, is not, ez yoo wood suppose, the
result uv unbrideled licentiousnis, but is merely the assertion uv our
superiority. When the lordly Caucashen (uv whom the Deekin is wich) bids
a daughter uv Ham (wich, in the orginal Hebrew, signifies the
hind-quarter uv a hog) come to him, and she doth it not, he breaks her
head, wich inculcates obedience. One is only a slave indeed when he
surrenders all his individyooel rites. The female slave cannot be
considered ez entirely subdooed until she hez yielded to her owner
everything. To marry em wood be to elevate em; the intercourse common
among us is not a sin, it bein merely the assertion uv that superiority
wich we claim is founded on the Holy Scripter. See Onesimus, Hagar, and
Ham."

"Yes," sed the Deekin, who wuz now on the right track; "it's a assertion
uv our sooperiority; it's a dooty every white man owes to his class, and
I, for one, will alluz--"

"Let me ketch yoo at it, Gabe Pogram," shouted Mrs. P., "and I'll give
you sich a cat-haulin ez yoo never--drat yoor sooperiority, and yoor
Ham, and yoor Caucashen. Niggers is niggers, and--"

Noticin that Mrs. Pogram hedn't quite arrived at the proper pitch uv
self-sacrifice, I turned the discussion onto Sumner agin, ez a subjick
upon wich they cood all agree.

I learned that his father wuz a Dutch grocery-keeper, and his mother an
Irish washer-woman; that he run away from home at the tender age of 8,
after murderin, in cold blood, his grandparents, one uv wich wuz a Jew
and tother a Chinese; that he wuz apprenticed to the shoemakin biznis,
and hed cut the throat uv his boss and his wife, and immersed the
younger children into a biler uv scaldin water, where they were found
mostly dead seven hours afterward; that he acquired wealth a sellin
lottry tickets and brass clocks, et settry. His servants wuz redoost
Southern gentlemen wich he hed swindled into his debt, and wich, under
the laws uv Massychoosits, coodent git away, and that his intimate
friend