rity characteristic uv the race,
sprang into the bucket, and told em to hist away; and they histed. But
ez they histed, they amoozed themselves a droppin earth onto him.
'Shtop!' sed he; but they didn't. 'Shtop!' sed he, 'or, be gorra! I'll
cut the rope.' My dear sir, Randall, and Doolittle, and Seward, and
Johnson are a histin us out uv the pit we fell into in 1860. Their
little talk about debts, and slavery, and sich, is the earth they're
droppin onto us for fun; but shel we, like ijeots, cut the rope? Nary!
Let em hist; and when we're safe out, and on solid ground, we kin, ef we
desire, turn and chuck em into the hole."

All went off satisfied: the Northern men, for they carried home with em
their commishuns; I, feelin that my Post office wuz sekoor; for ef, with
the show we've got, we can't reelect Johnson, the glory uv the Democracy
hez departed indeed.

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P.M.
(wich is Postmaster.)

XXX.

The Great Presidential Excursion to the Tomb of Douglas.--An Account of
the Ride of the Modern John Gilpin, who went a Pleasuring and came Home
with nothing but the Necks of His Bottles: by His Chaplain.--From
Washington to Detroit.

AT THE BIDDLE HOUSE
(wich is in Detroit, Michigan),
September the 4th, 1866.

Step by step I am assendin the ladder uv fame; step by step I am climbin
to a proud eminence. Three weeks ago I wuz summoned to Washinton by that
eminently grate and good man, Androo Johnson, to attend a consultation
ez to the proposed Western tour, wich wuz to be undertaken for the
purpose uv arousin the masses uv the West to a sence uv the danger wich
wuz threatnin uv em in case they persisted in centralizin the power uv
the Government into the hands uv a Congress, instid uv diffusin it
throughout the hands uv one man, wich is Johnson. I got there too late
to take part in the first uv the discussion. When I arrove they hed
everything settled cepting the appintment uv a Chaplain for the
excursion. The President insisted upon my fillin that position, but
Seward objected. He wanted Beecher, but Johnson wuz inflexibly agin him.
"I am determined," sez he, "to carry out my policy, but I hev some
bowels left. Beecher hez done enuff already, considerin the pay he got.
No, no! he shel be spared