myself I understand.

Probably no man in the Yoonited States hez given the nigger more study,
or devoted more time to a pashent investigashen uv this species uv the
brute creashen, than the undersigned. I have contemplated him sittin and
standin, sleepin and wakin, at labor and in idleness,--in every shape,
in fact, ceptin ez a free man, wich situashen is too disgustin for a
proud Caucashen to contemplate him; and when he ariz before my mind's
eye in that shape, I alluz turned shuddrin away.

I hed proceeded in my discourse with a flowin sale. It's easy
demonstratin anythin yoor awjence wants to beleeve, and wich their
interest lies in. For instants, I hev notist wicked men, who wuz
somewhat wedded to sin, genrally lean toward Universalism; men heavily
developed in the back uv the neck are easily convinst uv the grand
trooths uv free love; and them ez is too fond uv makin money to rest on
the seventh day, hev serious doubts ez to whether the observance uv the
Sabbath is bindin onto em. I, not likin to work at all, am a firm
beleever in slavery, and wood be firmer ef I cood get start enuff to own
a nigger.

I hed gone on and proved concloosively, from a comparison uv the
fizzikle structer uv the Afrikin and the Caucashen, that the nigger wuz
a beast, and not a human bein; and that, consekently, we hed a perfeck
rite to catch him, and tame him, and yoose him ez we do other wild
animals. Finishin this hed uv my discourse, I glode easily into a
history uv the flood; explained how Noer got tite and cust Ham,
condemnin him and his posterity to serve his brethren forever, wich I
insisted give us an indubitable warranty deed to all uv em for all time.

I warmed up on this elokently. "Behold, my brethren, the beginnin uv
Dimocrasy," I sed. "Fust, the wine (which wuz the antetype of our
whisky) wuz the beginnin. Wine (or whisky) wuz necessary to the
foundation uv the party, and it wuz forthcomin. But the thing was not
complete. It did its work on Noer, but yet there wuz a achin void. There
was no _Nigger_ in the world, and without nigger there could be no
Dimocracy. Ham, my friends, wuz born a brother uv Japhet, and wuz like
unto him, and, uv course, could not be a slave. Whisky wuz the
instrument to bring him down; and it fetched him. Ham looked upon his
father, and was cust; and the void wuz filled. THERE WUZ NIGGER AND
WHISKY, and upon them the foundashuns uv the party wuz laid, broad and
deep. Methinks, my brethren, when