hy the people cheered for
Grant instid uv the President, to which His Highness answered that they
wuz considrit--they knew his modesty, and wanted to spare his blushes.
Another man, who wuz also unsophisticated, asked him, confidenshelly, ef
he didn't think there wuz a samenis in his speeches, and that ef he
didn't think he'd do better to give a greater variety. His Eggslency
asked him how there _cood_ be more variety. "At Cincinnati," sed he, "I
observed the followin order:--

1. I swung around the cirkle.

2. I asked who wuz the Saviour ef I wuz Joodis Iskariot?

3. I left the Constitooshn, the 36 States, and the flag with 36 stars
onto it, in their hands.

Now, at Columbus, I shel vary it thusly:

1. The Constitooshn, flag, and stars.

2. The Joodis Iskariot biznis.

3. Swingin around the cirkle.

At Stoobenville, agin, ez follows:

1. Joodis Iskariot.

2. Swingin around the cirkle.

3. Constitooshn, flag, and stars.

And so on. It's susceptible uv many changes. I thot uv that when I writ
that speech, and divided it up into sections on purpose."

JOHNSTOWN, PA.--A bridge fell down, onto wich wuz 400 voters, killin a
dozen uv em. His Eggslency felt releeved when heerin uv the axident, at
bein asshoored that there wuzn't wun uv his supporters on the bridge. He
considered it a speshl Providence. The condukter overheerd the remark,
and answered, that ef any uv his supporters wuz killed in that seckshun
they'd have to import wun for the purpose.

MIFFLIN, PA.--A enthoosiastic indivijjle who wants the Post Office at
this place very much, fell on the President's neck, and wept, hailin him
ez the "Preserver uv the Union." The President thanked him for this
spontaneous triboot, and left in his hands the Constitooshun, the flag,
and the appintment he desired.

BALTIMORE.--There wuz a spontaneous recepshun here, wich wuz gratifying
to us. The perceshun wuz immense, and the mottoes expressive. One
division wuz headed by the identikle indivijooel who fired the first
shot at the Massachusetts men in 1861. He is a ardent supporter uv
President Johnson's policy. One flag wuz capchered from a Injeany
regiment at the first Bull Run, at wich the President wept. "Things is
becomin normal," sed he, "when the people will stand that. Wat
love!--wat unity! The flags uv both secshuns, wich was lately borne by
foes, now minglin in the same proceshun, and all uv em cheerin ME."

At last we arrived at Washinton, hevin swung