e gamblers and thieves with whom I fell in while I wuz
away, and make them head men on the place; and above all, I hev with me
the two harlots wich wuz the prime cause of my ruin, and they must hev
eleven of the best rooms in the house, and must be treated ez your
daughters. To avoid displeasin the others, I'll dress em in different
clothes, but here they must stay. Otherwise, I'll go out agin.'

"Probably the old gentleman wood hev become indignant, and would hev
remarked to him to go, and never let him see his audacious face agin, or
rather, he would hev strangled the harlots, scattered the blacklegs, and
choked the young sprout into submission. Them's me. I am anxious to kill
that fatted calf, and am also anxious to put on yoo robes and shoes.
But, alas! the calf suffered from want uv attention so long doorin the
late misunderstandins that he's too poor--the robes wuz all cut up into
bloo kotes for the soljers we sent out to fetch you in--the shoes they
wore out, and the rings--Jeff'son Davis wears the only style we hev.
When you come back in good shape, yool find us ready to meet you; but
till then, chaw husks!"

Lookin around, this armed tyrant remarked that there would be no more
preaching that day, and sadly the congregation dispersed.

I'm heart sick. At every turn I make that Burow stares me in the face,
and counteracts my best endeavors. It's curious, though, what different
sermons kin be preached from the same text, and it's also curious how
quiet our folks listen to a ablishnist who hez muskets to back him.

PETROLEUM V. NASBY,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.

XXVII.

A Pleasant Dream, the Philadelphia Convention being the Subject thereof.

CONFEDRIT x ROADS
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
July 28, 1866.

My dreams, uv wich I hev hed many doorin the past five years, hevent bin
overly pleasant; indeed, they hev taken more the shape uv hideous
nitemares than anything else--Linkin, Grant, Sherman, and armies dressed
in blue, figurin extensively therein. But last nite I hed a vision wich
more than repaid me for all I hev suffered heretofore. I hed bin at the
Corners assistin in inauguratin a new grocery. The proprietor wuz a
demoralized Ablishnist who hed sold likker surreptitiously in Ma