sitor goes away trying to remember did he or did he not throw away
that fifty-cent black four-in-hand tie he wore to the last funeral he
went to."

"I got a whole lot of confidence in Mr. Wilson as the doctor for this
here war-sickness which Europe is suffering from, Mawruss," Abe said.

"So have I," Morris said: "but you've got to remember that there's a
whole lot of those doctors on the case, Abe--some of them quack doctors,
too, and, when the doctors disagree, who is to decide?"

"I don't know," Abe said; "but I think I know who would like to."

"Who?" Morris asked.

"Some of these here Washington newspaper correspondents you was talking
about," Abe concluded.

V

THIS HERE PEACE CONFERENCE--IT NEEDS PUBLICITY

"Well, Mawruss," Abe Potash said, as he and his partner, Morris
Perlmutter, sat at breakfast in their Paris hotel one Sunday morning, "I
see that the Peace Conference had a meeting the other day where it was
regularly moved and seconded that there should be a League of Nations,
and, in spite of what them Republican Senators back home predicted,
Mawruss, when Chairman Clemenceau said, 'Contrary minded,' you could of
heard a pin drop."

"Sure you could," Morris Perlmutter agreed, "because the way this here
Peace Conference is being run, Abe, when Mr. Clemenceau says: 'All those
in favor would please say _Aye_,' he ain't _asking_ them, he's TELLING
them, which I was speaking to the newspaper feller last night, Abe, and
he says that, compared to the delegates at this here Peace Convention,
y'understand, the delegates of a New York County Democratic Convention
are free to act as they please. In fact, Abe, as I understand it, at the
sewed-up political conventions which they hold it in America, the bosses
do occasionally let a delegate get up and say a few words which ain't
on the program exactly, but at this here Peace Convention a delegate who
tries to get off a speech which 'ain't first been submitted in writing
ten days in advance should ought to go into training for it by picking
quarrels with waiters in all-night restaurants.

"Take this here meeting which they held it on Saturday, Abe," Morris
continued, "and it was terrible the way Chairman Clemenceau jumps, for
instance, on a feller from Belgium by the name M. Hyman."

"That ain't the same M. Hyman which used to was M. Hyman & Co. in the
coat-pad business?" Abe inquired.

"This here M. Hyman used to was a Belgium minister in London," Mo