d he dropped in at the
College where his Boyhood Friend was now the Professor of Dipsicology
and Plamazzus.

"This is a likely-looking Plant," said Brad, as he sized up the
Campus. "I like to encourage these Joints because they help to keep
a lot of Young Fellows away from Business Offices. I find that I have
here in my Vest-Pocket a measly $50,000 that I have overlooked in
changing my Clothes. Give it to the Main Cheese and tell him to have a
Laboratory on me."

When the News got out all the sis-boom-ah Boys gave a Parade in their
Nighties. The Faculty called a Special Meeting and made Brad a Doctor
of Philosophy.

Next Year he put up for a Gym and they made him a Doctor of Divinity.

The Year Following he handed them a Telescope and became an LL.D.

[Illustration: _D.D.--LL.D.--Ph.D._]

Every time he coughed he was made some new kind of Doctor.

In fact, for a Man with a 61/4 Hat who did not know the difference
between the Pistil and the Stamen he was the most learned Thing in
Seven States. Professor Otis was crowded into the Ditch. Sometimes he
wonders which of the two has the nub end of the Argument that started
in the Red School-House.

* * * * *

MORAL: The Longest Way Around is the Shortest Way to the University
Degree.

* * * * *

_THE NIGHT-WATCH AND THE WOULD-BE SOMETHING AWFUL_

Once there was a full-sized Girl named Florine whose Folks kept close
Tab on her. Any night-blooming Harold who presumed to keep the Parlor
open after Midnight heard low Voices in the Hallway and then a Rap
on the Door. If Florine put on her Other Dress and went to a Hop then
Mother would sit up and wait for her, and 1 o'clock was the Outside
Limit. Consequently Florine would have to duck on the Festivities just
when everything was getting Good. Furthermore she would have to warn
Mr. Escort to behave himself when they drew near the House.

"Nothing doing at the Gate," she would say, warningly. "It's Dollars
to Dumplings that the Girl Detective is peeking out to get a line on
my Conduct. She has her Ear to the Ground about four-thirds of the
Time and if any one makes a Move, then Mother is Next. If Father takes
a Drink at the Club and then starts Homeward on a fast Trolley, Mother
knows all about it when he is still three Blocks from the House.
What's more, she is a knowing Bird and can't be fooled by Cloves or
these little Peppermint Choo-Choos. The