merce Law to the Bad,
squaring the Legislature without passing over any of the Stuff
themselves and handing the Public the Short End of it.

Having arrived at this Proud Eminence, Hezekiah was ripe to spring
some Advice to Young Men. Any Patriarch who has slipped the Tall Mitt
to the entire Universe and dealt from both Ends of the Deck is the
Real Boy when it comes to laying down Rules of Conduct for the Pale
Youth who wants an $8 Job. So Hezekiah Hooper, the Eminent Financier,
who never smoked a Cigar, never took a Drink and never asked anybody
else to do either, was invited to address the Class of Naughty-Three
at the Local Business College.

He sat on the Rostrum wearing Black Broadcloth, betokening Virtue, and
in addition to his ancient Trade-Marks, the White Shirt and the White
Vest, he had a White Bow Tie. As he sat there in conscious Rectitude,
wondering if the Congressional Investigation would harm the Beef
Trust, it could be seen at a Glance that he would never take anything
that was too heavy to carry, unless he had a Dray.

The studious Young Gentlemen who had been preparing themselves to
go out into the Great World and draw Car-Fare as Book-Keepers and
Stenographers, looked up at Honest Hezekiah and said, "This is where
he puts us next to the Recipe for Getting There."

At last the Honored Guest arose and told the Class that the Young
Man who wishes to succeed must be Upright, Frugal, Industrious, and
Patriotic. He considered it the Duty of every Young Man to accept
whatever Compensation was offered him and be Content, for as soon as
he began to earn more his Employer would come around and put it in his
Pocket. Above all, he must love his Country and let Integrity be his
Watchword and remember that a Good Name is better than Riches, even if
other People don't think so. Then he sat down without batting an Eye
and every member of the Class of '03 knew just how to go out and pile
up a Million.

* * * * *

MORAL: What's more, they believe it themselves.

* * * * *

_THE GIRL WHO TOOK NOTES AND GOT WISE AND THEN FELL DOWN_

Once upon a Time there was a long-headed Girl who used to sit in
her own Room on Rainy Afternoons and evolve Theories. Her principal
Ambition in Life was to stand Ace High with all the Nice Men of her
Set. She hoped in the course of Time to tease one away from the Drove
and gallop him into the Branding Pen.

Now