ay like a flight of Swallows and there was one Horse
in front and Mr. Piker had a Convulsion and frothed at the mouth.
Presently the Tonic seemed to die away and something Blew and Rinkaboo
fell down and stepped on his Lip. He came in about the time they were
blowing the Horn for the next Race.

And now Mr. Piker can take Callers up to his Room and tell them how he
stood to win $1,340.

* * * * *

MORAL: Even the Best cannot pick them every Whirl out of the Box.

* * * * *

_THE HIGH ART THAT WAS A LITTLE TOO HIGH FOR THE VULGARIAN WHO PAID
THE BILLS_

Once there was a Husband who was stuck on Plain Living and Home
Comforts. He would walk around an Angel Cake any old Time to get
action on some Farm Sausage. He was not very strong for Romaine
Salad or any Speckled Cheese left over from Year before last, but he
did a very neat vanishing Act with a Sirloin Steak and he had the
Coffee come right along in a large Cup. He refused to dally with
the Demi-Tasse. For this true American the Course Dinner was a weak
Invention of the benighted Foreigner. When he squared up to his Food
he cut out all the Trimmings.

This is the kind of Husband who peels his Coat in the Evening and gets
himself all spread out in a Rocking Chair with a fat Cushion under
him.

He loves to wear old Velvet Slippers with pink Roses worked on the
Toes and the Heels run over.

Give him about two Cigars that pull freely and a Daily Paper and he
is fixed for the Session.

Along about 10.30, if he can connect with a Triangle of Desiccated
Apple Pie and a Goblet of Milk, he is ready to sink back on the Husks,
feeling simply Immense.

Now this Husband had a Fireside that suited him nearly to Death
until the Better Half began to read these Magazines that tell how to
beautify the Home.

Her first Play was to take out all the Carpets and have the Floors
massaged until they were as slick as Glass, so that when the
Bread-Winner stepped on one of the Okra or Bokhara Rugs he usually
gave an Imitation of a Player trying to reach Second.

He told her that he did not care to live in a Rink, but what he said
cut very few Lemons with the Side-Partner. She was looking at the
half-tone Pictures of up-to-date Homes and beginning to realize that
the Wall-Paper, Steel Engravings and the Enlarged Photographs of Yap
Relatives would have to go.

[Illustration: _Artistic Living Room._]

One Da