* * * *

Illustration: A MESSAGE FROM THE SEA.

_Romantic Tripper._ "TELL ME, HAVE YOU EVER PICKED UP ANY BOTTLES ON THE
BEACH?"

_Boatman._ "WERRY OFTEN, MISS!"

_Romantic Tripper._ "AND HAVE YOU FOUND ANYTHING IN THEM?"

_Boatman._ "NOT A BLESSED DROP, MISS!"

* * * * *

When _The Yorkshire Post_ and _The Hull Daily Mail_ differ, who shall
decide between them? _The Hull Daily Mail_ asserts positively that A.
PAPAZONGLON won the long jump at the Bridlington Grammar School sports
and that C. PAPAZONGLON was second in the 100 yards and High Jump. Its
contemporary, however, unhesitatingly awards these positions to C.
PAPAZONGLOU, C. PAPAZONGA and G. PAPAZAGLOU respectively. But it gives
the "Victor Ludorum" cup to a new competitor, C. PAPAZOUGLOU, and again
differs from _The Hull Daily Mail_, which knows for a fact that it was
won by C. PPAZONGLON. Whom shall we believe?

* * * * *

"ASQUITH DENIES MILITANT PLEA.

Receives Working Women but Won't Introduce Bill."--_New York Evening
Sun._

We are left with the uneasy impression that William is a snob.

* * * * *

"On a divan the motion for rejection was carried by 178 to
136."--_Daily Chronicle._

Our politicians are right to take it easy this hot weather.

* * * * *

A PATRIOT UNDER FIRE.

(_Observed during the recent heat wave._)

Philip, I note with unaffected awe
How, with the glass at 90 in the cool,
You still obey inflexibly the law
That governs manners of the British school;
How, in a climate where the sweltering air
Seems to be wafted from a kitchen copper,
You still refuse to lay aside your wear
Of sable (proper).

The Civil Service which you so adorn
Would lose its prestige, visibly grown slack,
And all its lofty pledges be forsworn
Were you to deviate from your boots of black;
Were you to shed that coat of sombre dye,
That ebon brain-box (imitation beaver)
Whose torrid aspect strikes the passer-by
With tertian fever.

As something far beyond me I respect
The virtue, equal to the stiffest crux,
Which thus forbids your costume to deflect
Into the primrose path of straw and ducks;
I praise that fine regard for red-hot tape
Which calmly and without an eyelid's flutter
Suffers the maddening n