on;
I was vexed when she answered me pertly, "Why, that isn't thunder;
We're taking in coal!"

I say there _are_ limits. The girl may be decent and sunny,
Industrious, sober and what not; I don't care a bit;
But she hasn't a right on a day such as that to be funny,
With the glass at 120, confound her, the chit!
I refuse to submit to the whimsical wheeze of a servant
Just because Araminta's away and the weather is fervent,
So I said to her, "Wench, do you fancy you're taking my money
For work or for wit?

"What are parlourmaids coming to now with their insolent banter?
Command those uproarious ruffians to hop it, to _trek_
And fetch me a siphon or two and the whisky decanter;
Your notions of humour have left me exhausted and weak;
Take the breakfast away; disappointment has vanquished my hunger,
And afterwards go out at once to the nearest fishmonger
And order two cart-loads of icebergs. Obey me _instanter_,
Or leave in a week."

EVOE.

* * * * *

"Although weighing over 13 tons, Glendinning declares that an
aircraft built from his designs could sail round the world without the
slightest danger of calamity."--_Glasgow Herald._

Subject for Silly Season--Should Stout Men Boast?

* * * * *

RUBBING IT IN.

[_The following article appears to have been intended for a popular
Halfpenny Daily, but as it has been sent to us we feel entitled to
print it._]

TERRIFIC STRUGGLE.

MR. LOWLY DEFEATS MR. GORMAN CRAWL.

HOW I DID IT. BY FERDINAND LOWLY.

Mr. Gorman Crawl's efforts to avoid defeat in his match with me in the
semi-finals of the Dartmoor and West Dorset Championship was, I think,
the finest exhibition of Lawn Tennis that has been seen for many a long
day, and I congratulate those who were so fortunate as to witness the
game. In the second set particularly, Mr. Crawl's play exhibited a
consistent accuracy combined with activity of resource and hard hitting
which, so far as I am aware, has rarely been equalled in the history of
the pastime. He frequently returned drives down the side lines and cross
volleys which I have always regarded as untakable, putting me in the
position of having to repeat those strokes several times before I could
make the ace. Even in the third set, Mr. Crawl certainly did not lose
heart, as many might have done; in