But mind you, I'm fond of animals myself.

_He._ Oh, so am I. I dote on dogs. You know, I call the horse a noble
animal--that's what I call the horse.

_She_ (_after a pause_). I call the camel the ship of the desert.

_He._ Ah, very witty, very clever. I see you have a sense of humour.
"Ship of the desert"--that's good.

_She._ Yes, I don't know what I should have done without my sense of
humour.

_He_ (_sharply_). No more do I.

_She_ (_confidentially_). You know, I think dogs should be treated _as_
dogs. They should be kept in their proper places. I like them best in
the country, you know. Don't you?

_He._ Yes. I think the country is the place for all animals. One sees so
many there--at least in some places.

_She._ I am so fond of the country. It is so restful. The old oaks and
the buttercups and the village rector and the dear cows. I don't know
what we should do without them.

_He._ That's what I say. Where would England be without the country?

_She._ Ah, yes. "Far from the madding crowd," as the poet says.

_He._ Yes. What a great poet MILTON is, to be sure.

_She._ Oh, delightful! And don't you like Miss WHEELER WILCOX?

_He._ Of course--ripping, yes, of course. Her poems of pleasure--her
poems of passion, her--well, in fact, all her poems.

_She._ Quite.

At this point the man broke down altogether and began to gibber. But he
recovered in time to see the prize unanimously voted to the lady. This
consisted of a volume of Mr. ----, but perhaps I had better not mention
names; it might be liable to misconstruction. I hope I have said enough
to show what a fascinating and delightful game it is. No appliances are
required (as with dominoes), except one's own nimble brain; and I think
Platitudes will soon sweep the country. Signs are not wanting that
Clumps and Dumb Crambo are already becoming back numbers in the best
circles.

* * * * *

"The military dirigible Koerting made the wound in the leg of Baron
de Rothschild. It was found to have flattened itself against the
bone."--_Egyptian Mail._

"The Koerting; so it is," said the Baron, when shown the X-ray
photograph of his calf.

* * * * *

TOURS IN FACT AND FANCY.

Tell me not of Western Islands
Or some bonnie loch or ben
Of those hustled haunts, the Highlands;
I'm not going there again.

Cease from cackling so cocksurely
Of some heavenly woo