e horribly.

_Mr. H. G. WELLS._ The past alone possesses interest for intelligent
men.

_Mr. G. K. CHESTERTON._ Orthodoxy, it has been said, is my doxy;
heterodoxy is other people's doxy; but paradoxy is the devil's doxy.

_Sir E. ELGAR._ Music? How can any serious man fiddle while Home is
burning?

_Sir E. J. POYNTER._ The Royal Academy is crushing the life out of
English Art. The country's only hope is in Cubism.

_Signor MARINETTI._ Your Royal Academy is the true Temple of Art. I
never cross its threshold without first removing my sandals.

* * * * *

A RECORD CAST.

"A 3 lb. 15 oz. chub has been taken at Abingdon by Mr. A. Owen near
Henley."

_Field._

* * * * *

Illustration: WHY SHOULD NOT PERSEVERING PETER OF THE PUSH-BIKE ADOPT,
WHEN TRAVELLING, THE SAME SUPERCILIOUS ATTITUDE AS LANGUID LIONEL OF THE
TOURING-CAR DE LUXE.

* * * * *

THE JESTING OF JANE.

(_In which it is explained how competent I am to keep the servants in
their places even when their mistress is away._)

I like a good practical joke; as the garland adorning
The hair of a maiden it shines, as the balm that is shed
On the brain of a wandering minstrel; it comes without warning,
Transmuting to gold an existence that once was as lead.
It glads, it rejoices the soul; recollecting it after
One well-nigh explodes; but I say there are seasons for laughter,
And, like other great men, I am not at my best in the morning
When just out of bed.

So it was that last week, when the pitiless glare of Apollo
Was toasting the lawn till it looked like a segment of mat,
When I came to my breakfast at length from a lingering wallow
In a bath that professed to be cold--as I moodily sat
And observed how the heat on the pavements was momently doubling,
And hated the coffee for looking so brown and so bubbling,
And hated my paper, which seemed to expect me to follow
A prize-fight (my hat!)--

When I heard a great noise as though heaven was breaking asunder,
And "Thanks be to glory," said I, "for this merciful dole;
The rain! the beneficent rain! Will it lighten, I wonder?
I need not pack up, after all, for my cruise to the Pole;"
And my spirits revived and my appetite seemed to awaken,
And I said so to Jane as she brought in the kidneys and bac