champions. Some people allow facial expression and general demeanour to
count, but this I do not recommend. It gives some an unfair advantage,
and I have known it lead to unpleasantness.

Perhaps a short sample will give a better idea of the game than any
description. I take one from a little tournament in which I competed a
few days ago. I was highly commended, but it was thought I displayed a
little too much intelligence. This is one of the pleasing features of
Platitudes; when one loses, things like that are somehow said, as they
are never said, for instance, at Bridge. From this specimen the beginner
will learn the right style and method. Only by study of the best models
and by constant practice can he attain anything like proficiency.

_He._ What a world we live in, do we not? (_This is a very common
opening._)

_She._ Yes, to be sure. Dear, dear!

_He._ The age is so complex, so full of rush and hurry. Everyone is
running after money, are they not?

_She._ They are not. I mean they are.

_He_ (_heaving a sigh_). How sad it is!

_She_ (_in a tone of gentle correction_). It is deplorable. Did you read
Mr. Goldstein's speech the other day? I thought it so sweet! He said
that the possession of wealth entailed great responsibilities.

_He._ How like him! (_After a pause_) And how true! Yes, things are in a
bad way.

_She._ How one deplores these strikes.

_He_ (_sternly_). They ought to be shot.

_She._ Too dreadful. I think it is so terrible when quite nice people
are positively inconvenienced. It makes one think of the French
Revolution.

_He._ Ah! Yes, the French Revolution. Well, well, the good old days are
gone.

_She._ Yes, they have quite gone.

_He_ (_sighing heavily_). Dear, dear, dear, dear! May I have some
teacake?

_She._ Oh do! but I'm afraid they're cold.

_He._ I like them cold. I think they are so much cooler then.

_She._ They are a shade less warm.

[_There was a short interval here when the supporters of each party
gathered round and gave advice and encouragement. The lady seemed as
fresh as a fiddle, but the man was very exhausted and had to have a
spirituous stimulant. After a quarter-of-an-hour's interval the game was
resumed._]

_She._ Look at the fashionable ladies and their dogs! The sums they
lavish on them!

_He._ Oh, it's disgraceful. The Government ought to do something.

_She._ I call it wicked.

_He_ (_much struck with this_). You are quite right.

_She._